.:making sense of what i got:.

Overthinking

2008-11-03T12:43:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago I bought a book called "All Over Coffee". It is a series of comic strips from a San Fransisco newspaper. I might begin each blog with a strip while Im writing my novel this month.

"You think too much,"
"But I get a lot done,"
"You have to, otherwise you'd go crazy from all that thinking,"
"Maybe it's because of all those thoughts that so much gets done,"
"Maybe you're over-thinking,"
"The thoughts has crossed my mind".

A new day and new inspiration. That book really is enjoyable and spurs on creativity. I also taught my mom's class again this morning and now I am back at Starbucks with new passion and fresh ideas.

So here goes...

November begins

2008-11-02T15:59:00.002-05:00

It has been months since I have posted a blog. And here it is, November, and I am writing. The irony is that I am writing to explain that I am having a hard time writing my novel for NaNoWriMo.

I have sat in front of my computer looking at a blank screen for an hour. This is the opposite of what I am supposed to be doing. Just write! No worries about editing. No worries about a good story. But I am committing to a story that I will have to stick with for 30 days. 28 more to go and I still don't have a word down.

I am sitting in Starbucks and I cannot focus because I am annoyed with the conversation of the Halloween party where everyone got drunk. I can't focus because I am listening to this conversation. And I can't write because I can't zone out. Just pick a story and write it. Just write it, dammit. But no. I am making the same excuses that I always make.

Maybe I will make this a trend, blogging about my NaNo progress....We'll see.....

community again

2008-02-17T23:29:00.003-05:00

isn't this the theme!

My thoughts are consumed by the Saints and the idea of community and how they all work together. I've looked at what the Bible says about the idea of community, I've discussed at length with friends and my "community" about it, but I wonder what the Saints have to say. How does it all tie together?

The idea of purpose also ties into these thoughts. I try very hard to listen to the Spirit and follow its leading. I believe that my decisions are driven by a specific purpose. Sometimes they gain the support of others, family, friends, but other times I can only trust the leading I feel and I have to choose to not listen to the influences around me.

Maybe this all stems from a desire to feel satisfaction. But can our restless spirits ever be truly satisfied? I have a friend that seems to not find satisfaction in almost anything he does. He thinks that a move will change things, that different people will change things, that throwing himself full force in something that seems satisfying will change things, but they eventually lose their excitement and he is left seeking that sense of satisfaction and purpose again. How many of us are like that? When will we find it? Or when will we be satisfied with whatever God brings our way?

Perhaps the problem is in the question. Maybe we are wrong in seeking satisfaction. Maybe when the Bible tells us to live today in fullness we are to do just that. If everything is just for a season and change is inevitable perhaps that is why we are to seek satisfaction in Christ and not in our possessions or our relationships or our position.

But what is the correct way to go about seeking this total satisfaction in Christ without those other things? I can understand not being driven by wealth, but how do beings that were created for community seek satisfaction in Christ without the others that he created us to be in community with?

My prayer tonight is that I will be full of joy in everything; in my job, in my school, in my friendships, relationships, community. I pray that the love of Christ will flow through me and that in all things I can claim what the old hymn claims, that "It is well with my soul".

May you too seek and find the peace of God and the joy that comes through Him, and may all things be well with your soul.

Goodnight friends.

the best of

2008-01-23T16:33:00.000-05:00

The past two days have been absolutely incredible. Yesterday started off with an early wake up call where there seemed to be activity all around. Thomas and his brother John were outside starting up a fire from the previous night, Zack was making oatmeal. We sat down and spent time in prayer. What a great way to begin a day; sharing a meal with brothers, praying. The day went on. I worked and I didn't suck. Then I spent time with Gabe at Aladdin's. It had been such a long time since we had done that but it was such a great time; like a year ago when these friendships were new and exciting. They haven't lost that spark. I came home and although our power had been cut off it didn't really upset or frustrate me. Gabe and I took the darkness and candles as a great time to pray together again and end our night the same way the morning began. How incredible is it to be surrounded and living with people who desire that kind of intimacy and passion for God!

Then today I woke up, early again, and joined Zack and Thomas (and Arlo) for roasting coffee. There is something so serene about that place. Maybe it was the haze over the fields were the horses lined the horizon, or the cool enough weather to permit a sweater but not require it, but that plus a book brought peace to my heart.

I then came home to an email that was unexpected yet greatly appreciated. And while it offered encouragement it also brought good news:

http://www.everythingtallahassee.com/node/786

It is truly humbling when God smiles on you and reminds you that things of this world can be quite petty. Following Him is definitely a better way to live.

ordained

2008-01-17T22:35:00.000-05:00

What makes someone ordained by God? What gives someone the right to proclaim God's Truth and deliver His message? What gives someone authority in the state to provide services like marriage?

I am a notary. I helped plant a church. I helped lead and teach in this church. I have been involved in the spiritual lives of people over the course of several years. But I do not have a seminary education. I don't even have my undergraduate degree. I haven't been "ordained" by the church in any formal ceremony. So does that make the work I have done or the desire of my heart to serve not "ordained" by God? Is it by the acceptance of man or God that people are ordained and chosen to serve? And who decides whether someone else is ordained?

The Apostles didn't have formal education. Most of them were young men working with their families, yet they were called and did the work of the Lord and they had authority.

I obviously have loads of questions and while I am curious as to the millions of answers I could possibly receive to these questions, I ultimately just desire to seek God and serve Him and those around me. I seek to be humble and loving...whether "ordained" or not...

the Year of Francis and the return to town

2008-01-05T18:45:00.000-05:00

So I have moved back to Tallahassee and life is an overwhelming collection of beautiful and intriguing experiences. God is showing me great things and blessing me with relationships and an abundance of love. I spend time daily praying with my roommate. I feel a freedom and a peace I have not felt in a very long time. When the congregation turns and blesses each other with "the sign of peace" that is what I feel. Like those blessings of peace are upon me.

At the same time 2007 was a year with its share of low moments, to build me up, i do believe. I have changed and the changes do not end. I am trying to find my new self in this new skin I feel I am in. I find a draw to Saint Francis of Assisi and I pray that my pilgrimage there this upcoming summer will actually happen. I have found peace with many things and that brings me such joy. Its closure but its another life opening up. Now, as expected this does mean complications and confusion find their way. As I stretch out these new skins, this new life, I have to learn to understand that the old is gone. I sat at Black Dog cafe today with my roommate who now is the Assistant Manager at the Pub. 3 people came up to him asking him about the Pub. It only makes sense, as he is the new ASM. But I sat there and was looked over. The Pub is no longer mine. And while I hate when I am told of the way things sucked when I managed it and want some appreciation of the things I did, I am needing to learn that this baby I created is no longer mine. I was mocked for having that attitude, of birthing a child and having her snatched away from me, but I need to accept reality. And the truth is I have. I love what she is now, and like all things there are its flaws, but you love the being itself and now the faults or the achievements. You celebrate the achievements and correct the faults. So it is with me. I want to celebrate the achievements of my faith and correct my faults. I want to be like Christ. I want to be new and flawless. So that is what I strive for.

I know these thoughts seem scattered but ahh the beauty of stream of consciousness. After all these are my thoughts coming from my brain. And oh that my brain were organized. Perhaps in this, the Year of Francis, I will find some Order.

Peace be with you.

papa

2007-09-16T11:43:00.000-05:00

This week my father went into the hospital. He was there for four days. I woke up early. Went to bed late. Went to the hospital. Went to work. Barely slept.

But the day my dad went in, I asked a few people to pray for him. Over the next few days I continually got text messages and phone calls from them asking about how he was doing. They asked each other about his progress. I felt him and myself lifted up in prayer and that constant power of prayer being sent our way was such a source of comfort.

Thank you.

walks

2007-09-05T18:10:00.000-05:00

After my first week in Miami I commented on the unfulfilling nature of the walks I have been taking on a daily basis. There is no regularity to them except the guiding shell of a path I take. I said I would continue those walks until the felt right. Today, 30 minutes before I need to be at work, finally having the conversation I've been longing to have, it feels complete. My walks have taken on a new purpose and given me a new perspective. Some of the thoughts may be obscure, but all are brought on through an intense time of prayer and prayerful conversation.

another world

2007-09-05T01:17:00.001-05:00

Bear with me, dear reader, as I attempt to paint a picture of the journey I think we find ourselves on, this existential, metaphysical journey we are on...

Imagine yourself standing in the middle of a park; trees all around casting their shade among us. But imagine this world in the glowing blue spirit form we see Yoda, Obi-wan, and Anakin take at the end of Return of the Jedi. Allow us, for the sake of this illustration, to call this Realm 1. Now add form, as we know it to this world: the green leaves that sway in the wind, so frail yet connected to the branches, the rough brown bark, and the soil beneath your bare feet, dry from too many days of no rain, that crumbles apart into tiny pellets of individual grains of dirt. This is Realm 2 and it is the existence we live in daily. The birds sing in this realm and the sounds of cars driving by increase and then decrease as they pass too near to forget "the real world" that exists outside of this peaceful park.

After creating this world in your mind picture Realm 2 crumbling away. The wind picks up and shakes the leaves off of the tree that so proudly stood and allow the bark to peel away, leaving behind the bare luminescence of Realm 1. Allow Realm 2 to entirely get shaken away by the violence of the impeding wind.

All around us is the existence of God, in other words, there is a whole other world right here among this one. Sometimes things happen that shake our world apart. We sit back and watch as what we believe to be everything we have, jobs, friends, even hope, fall apart. There are moments we feel like we are left without anything. But that is only because we live without the awareness of Realm 1, the Heavenly Realm, all around us.

Scripture says that "all things are used for the glory of God" and we are also called "ambassadors for Christ". What happens when the world falls apart around us and we spend time griping about these things? We end up not representing Christ at all and focusing on Realm 2 while Realm 1 continues to exist around us. We can often dwell in our circumstances, our choices that pull us away from God, or the choices done to us, and they can often make us feel abandoned, distant from a God who is supposed to be loving and kind and forgiving...always present. And though He is we can so easily miss Him.

I believe we are all connected. At a weird quantum level I believe we are all the same. All around us is dirt. The Hebrew word for dirt is "adama" and God created man out of dirt and named him "adam". Rocks are made of compressed dirt and diamonds are made of compressed rock. We are beings of dirt with some breath breathed into us. At our core we are all atoms as is the dirt and the grass around us. Dustin Hoffman's character in "I Heart Huckabees" says that "...we are all the blanket. Everything is the blanket." And, I believe, in some strange metaphysical way this is true. We are all connected by this Being we call God who holds everything in our universe together.

I suppose I write these things because it is easy for me to forget that as I go about my daily business, making coffee for bratty teenage girls who want lowfat drinks with extra caramel, that the Spirit, the Breath of God remains inside each of us and the His realm is ever present. The Kingdom of God is here now. God, may I please begin to live as if everything mattered, yet trust You enough to take care of it, and help me become the kind of person who lives in contant awareness of your Realm as I let the world around me fade away.

The Silver Chair

2007-08-29T19:35:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I finished reading "The Silver Chair" by C.S. Lewis. It is book 4 in the Chronicles of Narnia series. At the risk of being beaten by everyone who considers themselves to be a Christian, I will make the claim publicly that I am not all that enthralled by Lewis' writing. The voice of the narrator is, to me, etremely distracting; but that is not the point of this blog.

There was a scene early on in the story that captured me. Jill Pole has wandered through the woods after Eustace has been blown away by Aslan. She, of course has not met Aslan yet, but as she approaches a river she sees the great Lion sitting on the other bank of the river. She is terrified and frozen in her place. Internally she struggles with the fear of being face to face with a lion who could tear her to shreds and her physical (spiritual?) need to drink water. Her thirst grows and she senses that hours have passed but she doesn't dare move lest the lion attack. Finally Aslan speaks to her and tells her is she is thirsty she should drink.

This image has captured me because there is something about seeing Jill and Aslan face to face; Aslan waiting for her to accept his invitation to drink and Jill's struggle with trying to take control of the situation. It reminds me of God standing by the door waiting for us to knock. We sometimes hold back for numerous reasons, maybe we're not ready to come face to face with the Creator who knows our hearts or maybe sometimes it is easier to stay out in the cold. There is a song that's lyrics read, "Flames are not what get you burned/It's the cold and the ice/Here's a piece of advice that I got from a little bird/The flames can get you stirred/It's the cold that leaves you shaken."

What I have seen is that this image is not left to stories and a far-off God. Sometimes friends stand by and wait for that phone call, that text. Maybe we just don't want to deal with what we think the reaction on the other end of the line will be, like Jill afraid the Lion will attack. But the cost of not making that call could be dying of thirst.

oh no...

2007-08-22T22:16:00.000-05:00

...here comes that sun again.

Anyone who knows me understands that I don't listen to voicemails until my mailbox is full. Today I listened to them because there were 14 of them. A few were from my Student Loan and another was from Blockbuster, but the majority of them were from friends. That word, friend, has a great bit of meaning to me these days. There were 6 words in each of their voice mails that each time it was said there was simultaneously a heaviness in my heart and an impenetrable joy that took over. The words were, "I love you. I miss you." The thing is that when these people say those words I believe them, you can hear in their voice the honesty and the truth behind those words. They are people of great love. It shows in their life and it shows in their friendship.

It is more difficult than I can begin to share to be so far from ones I love so much, ones who remind me of a loving God. Tonight I find it hard to sleep. I wrestle with the realization that their lives keep going and I am not an immediate part of it. I went for a walk tonight, when I normally take my phone and talk to one or more of them, but tonight none of them were available. Yet I still know that they love me.

I have to stop thinking that any moment now they will be here, living in the same city as me. I have to accept it's over. And I hate it.

God please help me overcome these feelings. Please help me find joy, purpose in Miami. Please row my relationships with my old friends, and strengthen them so that they will continue to build each of us up, while helping me meet new friends that will help welcome your Kingdom. But God...if it is possible, please bring them here, because I do miss them so much it hurts.

update

2007-08-12T21:51:00.000-05:00

Miami:
I have been in Miami for a week now and it has provided a lot of time to reflect on different things: how things were, how things are, how things will be; friends, old and new; God, his promises; passions, like reading, writing. Most days are spent in a coffee shop or a bookstore with a book, or driving around searching for one place in this city with comfortable seating and perhaps free wireless internet. The search is not going well.

Other days have been spent laying on a beach or dancing with the tide of a salt water partner gently caressing my shoulders.

I have spent time in my backyard pulling weeds and racking my yard to stir up the soil as I envision and new bed of life skirting the yard.

And then there are my walks. A habit I picked up in Tallahassee, only these new walks I find myself doing alone. It feels incomplete but I will continue them until they feel fulfilled.

This life, it appears, is incredibly fulfilling, like the dream of any retired person, ripe with age and experience, finally at a point where all their life's lessons culminate into a simple life. Read. Walk. Garden. Relax. But satisfaction does not come so easily to a stubborn mule such as myself. I find dissatisfaction and long for another time and place. And then voices rise up around me, like a word from Heaven, and peace is laid upon my head. Community, that which I long for, that which I seek, speaks to me from across the state. Voices from Tallahassee, Melbourne, Tampa, New Port Richie, they all call on me to remind me that what God has given us does not end. His work is not over and He has not forsaken us. He will be with us, guide us, and when we feel alone, He will be there to comfort us.

So tonight I am at peace and I thank God for his Shalom. And I thank the people he uses: Michael Christopher, your words and your constant friendship are like the base of Mount Rainer and I thank you for allowing me to walk alongside you; RJ, years ago when you, Josh, and I walked around Lake Ella on our last night as roomates, you asked us if we considered you a brother...you have been one since the day we moved in together and the friendship you have offered and the encouragment you have given, and the patience you have excercised with me shows me of a love that lays itself down for a friend; Adam, your ability to forgive is one that is something I do not deserve and your faithfulness is something that I pray I can have. Thank you all.

Please pray for me as I learn to live again.

"I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more time for that one. It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into a particular route, and make a beaten track for ourselves." - "Walden"

Watch the Stars

2007-08-01T02:34:00.000-05:00

So my time in Tallahassee has come full circle. It was a good time of growth and development. It was a time of discovering who I am and who God wants me to be.

When I first came to Tallahassee I found myself in a community of people who sought after God, who were challenged by his call to us, who desired a new way of living and following and serving; a group that believed that another life was possible, right here, right now.

I have had other friends and other circles since then but as this stage of my life ends I find myself in that community again.

Tonight I went to Lake Jackson. I went with friends who love Jesus; friends who's passion is to live free from what convention tells us we need and as a result truly live freely. We sang. We prayed. We watched the stars (though they weren't falling) and we played with our dog Thelma. I say our dog because we are a community.

I thought I would be sad and while I have had many moments of tears and fears I am at peace tonight. Driving back to town I looked at the car and I saw my family. I had a desire to drive to California and spend days, months, years with them. And I believe I will.

To Ashley, Josh, Travis, Michael, Fisher-Price, and the Honorable Order of the Coffee Bean and the many others who will join these amazing people, thank you.

2007-06-23T09:01:00.000-05:00

Lord, we take this journey
To find a promised land
Lord, we take this journey
To find a promised land

And we believe in your power
We believe in your power
We believe in your power
But the end is so close
So close at hand

Lord, these men are hungry
There just hasn't been enough
And the journey's been so rough
And, Lord, these men are hurting
They implore me to go back
As the planks beneath them crack
And I know it's my responsibility
But I'm starving too
And I hurt, I do
And I'm lost

I believe in my responsibility
But I need to see
If the fruits will be worth the cost

So I'm begging you, Lord
You gotta stop, take a look
At your children who believe in this promised land
Have mercy, Lord
Stop their suffering and their woe
Stop, shine your light on these children
Who have faith in your guiding hand
I'm just begging Lord
‘Cause there's no place else to go

I am unworthy, Lord

Lord, this ship is crowded
And the men are tired an worn
But another baby's born
And, Lord, this ship is broken
And the sails are ripped and old
But the winds are rough and cold
And I know
It's my responsibility
When I ride the sea
These men turn to me for a sign

I believe in my responsibility
But I can't be sure
When it's time for your light to shine

So I'm begging you, Lord
To make it
Stop, Take a look
At your children
Who believe in this promised land
Have mercy, Lord
Give a sign to let us know
Stop, shine your light
On these children
Who have faith in your guiding hand

I'm just begging, Lord
‘Cause there's no place else to go

Lord, save this child
I am not strong enough
I am not strong enough

Lord, save my soul
I am unworthy

Lord, take my hand
I am not strong enough
I am not strong enough

Lord, take my heart
I am unworthy

Lord, give me hope
I am not strong enough
I am not strong enough

Lord, give me light
I am unworthy
I am unworthy

Stop, take a look
At the children, at the children
Who believe in this promised land
You gotta have mercy, Lord
Have mercy, Lord
Give us strength so that we can grow
Stop, shine your light
On these children who have faith in divine command

I'm just begging, Lord
I'm just begging you, Lord
I know I am unworthy
But there's no place else to go

A new world calls across the ocean
A new world calls across the ocean
A new world
Calls across the sky!

Germany - it begins

2007-05-31T09:48:00.000-05:00

May 31st. Tallahassee Airport.

I am about to board the first of two flights en route to Munich, Germany. I will spend the next three weeks working with a missionary group that I used to serve with.

Please pray for me, the group, and the relationships we make.

Germany

2007-05-26T16:02:00.000-05:00

Not since the Summer of 2005 have I been to Germany. Five summers before that I went annually with a Christian singing group through the Baptist Colliegiate Ministry at FSU called Undivided.

This Thursday I go back.

I am going with Undivided although this time I go in an entirely different role. I will not be singing. I am going as a patriarch of sorts. I will be leadingt he group every morning in a time of calling to mission. I will be a voice of encouragement, admonishment, and love. I will be there to guide and support. But mainly, I will be there to help them return to Jesus as often as possible.

I have been needing a break. Even after resigning from management at the Coffee Pub, I still don't feel like I've been allowed to be free of it. Perhaps it is my fault. I kept a job there. But several weeks away, serving God as my only purpose, as the only thing worth living for, sounds just like what my soul needs.

I hope I will have access to the internet often so that I can update any readers I still have. Thank you for reading. Thank you for listening. Thank you for praying.

Isn't She Beautiful Conference

2007-01-24T13:46:00.002-05:00

It is Wednesday, and as I sit in a Panera Bread in Grand Rapids, Michigan, I think over the past few days. I think about how getting out of town, away from people, from work, can help give your spirit and your soul a refreshed vitality that has been lacking. But the answer is not in Grand Rapids, or anywhere else I can get away from.

I took 16 pages of notes at the conference, and I have poted them all on this blog; no edits, no summaries. Just fast typed notes.

What I walk away from this conference with is a gratefulness that I have been redirected back to Jesus and the passion he has laid on my heart. I have returned to my First Love and I am encouraged to bring it back to my brothers and sisters in Tallahassee.

The following notes should be discussed and not just read. Acted upon would be the step after talked about...so lets talk.

Isn't She Beautiful - Day 1 - Session 1

2007-01-24T13:46:00.001-05:00

This lovely, frustrating, intoxicating, painful, hard, compelling, mystery called church and why she’s worth dying for

Colossians 2:6
3:15
4:2
“thankful” – eu – well, good
charizomai – to grant, give
charis – grace, gift
Eucharist –the good gift that is Christ, and then we go and give ourselves to the world. We imitate Jesus.
Eucharist – body broken and blood poured
We are a Eucharist. We let our body be broken and our blood be spilled for others. That is why it is so exhausting. The church only works when the leaders allow themselves to break for others. It saves and redeems.
What does it mean for the Church to be a Eucharist?
2 Corinthians 4:7-12, we carry around the body of Jesus “ive been given over to death” You cant have the life without the death. 12) death is at work in us so that life may be at work in you.
1 Cor 11:23; always thought of as how to do the ritual. Maybe this is Jesus saying “do what Ive just done. Given my body. Shed my blood. Allow yourself to be a living Eucharist” Is it about what to do or how to live? Losing my religion.
Genesis 12; it’s a story of blessing.
“The Church is the only organization that exists for the benefit of its non-members.”
Jesus was a gift to the world. The Church is a gift to the world. If our church was taken away from our city/town/area, who would protest?
Ask Mayor what Tallahassee needs.
Love. Not love,(period. Not comma)
Who is most skeptical, hostile? And what would a Eucharist look like for them? What would it mean for us to break ourselves for them?
1 Cor 9:19; contrast between Jews and Gentiles. 22) to the weak, I became weak...etc. Parallelism. He left out strong. Paul doesn’t become strong to win the strong. He didn’t pretend to be better. He didn’t use power to win people.
The power of the Eucharist is not about manipulation. Its not about who’s power, or ego. The power of the Eucharist is in its weakness… Marilyn Manson song, “Its all relative to the size of your steeple”.
What makes AA so powerful is that its people who are at the end, and cannot balance on a phony all-togetherness.
- Humanity over perfection. Perfection is contrary to the power of Eucharist.
Ephesians 2:11; The Eucharist is about the new humanity. (TNIV)
In one community there are parents of soldiers in Iraq and there are war protesters. Can they take communion together?
Reject the cult of cool: cool is when old and young are together. Cool is when the Mohawk is next to the polyester suit. When something transcends differences, and brings people together. Suffering brings people together.
2 Corinthians 11:28-29; the new humanity, when you know someone in a different neighborhood, you recognize who your neighbors are.
Acts 8:9-21; The Eucharist cannot be commodified. It is not a product. It can’t be copied. Whats a Eucharist look like for these people, in this place, at this time? Unless people are being broken and poured out, the Eucharist is not being served.
Hebrews 12:18; this verse references throughout the OT into the NT which is referencing Jeremiah, and then back to Genesis. Its our history and we have a lot to pull from.
The magnetic draw of the tribe.
The Eucharist is ultimately a mystery. There is management and there is mystery. These two coexist.
The problem is when the church tries to play by the rules of everyone else. We believe that God is still reclaiming this world, that God is still at work in our world today. We don’t need to be as cool as Tallahassee is. All we need is to be the Eucharist.

At this winter festival, the students write their hopes and dreams for the world on a piece of paper and tie them to a balloon, and together they let them go.

Who is Christ to you?
The Church is a Eucharist because you are a Eucharist.
There’s Christ in us, and there is Christ through us. What’s Christ doing in you? If you’re not dealing with the things that are real then you are compromising the Eucharist. There is strength in weakness.
The best sermon is “me too”.

2 Absolutes about the Eucharist:
1. Your own journey, whatever it looks like…
a. Whats great about the Psalmists is that they are real. They don’t fake it.
2. Letting the body be put back together and the blood be poured back in.
a. The question isn’t what you can get done now. It’s what is sustainable.
b. Luke 5:16; Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray.
c. There is a loneliness to leadership that people who are not in spiritual leadership cannot understand.
There is a transfer of spiritual energy when you pour into a person.

Isn't She Beautiful - Day 1 - Q&A

2007-01-24T13:45:00.000-05:00

Production vs Discipleship
We can do lots of things for a long time. But the Bible talks about marathons, not sprints. Whenever the crowds got larger and the work got more, the more Jesus withdrew.
It becomes an ego problem. Embrace our limits. We cannot do it all.

Sabbath is a gift from God. Not an obligation. “Sabbath” by Abraham Joshua Heschel. Do what brings you joy.

You’ll never find God in the big things if you don’t find God in the small things. Too often we go to the mountain to find God but we don’t live on the mountain.

When a big public moral problem happens its because there were cracks back in the past, and there was no place to openly be real about what the cracks are. When the cracks are kept quiet, they will grow. The big stuff started small. The new humanity says that a leader doesn’t have to be perfect…

A kingdom of priests. Any believer is a pastor. Is a minister. Has their own church out there in their lives. The building is just a gathering place.

1) Who is Jesus among you?
2) Why did he come to town?
3) How are we going to organize ourselves around that?

If you don’t know people who are in need, then you need to get to know those people who can help you get through the eye of a needle. Don’t just send them checks.

You cant drag a person where they don’t want to go. You cannot push a community to become passionate about something they have no passion for. On a large scale and on a small scale, it is the same.

If you don’t have elders then you should groan with your congregation (Romans 8) about what you are missing.

Cause – Congregation – Corporation
Need all 3.
Cause-Corporation = Missions org.
Corp – Congregation = Mega church

Isn't She Beautiful - Day 1 - Session 2

2007-01-24T13:44:00.000-05:00

Narrative Theology and How We Read the Bible

The Bible as more than a self help book. It’s a living beautiful story. A story that continues in our midst. What is our role in this story. We need to know God’s story well if we are to be a part of it.

Dead Poet’s Society.

N.T. Wright – “The Last Word”, or a shorter “How Can the Bible be Authoritative?”
What if a new Shakespearean play was found but it was incomplete? Would we archive it or find the best scholars get together and finish it?

Scripture as a 5 Act play
I. Creation
II. The Fall
III. Israel
IV. Jesus
V. Church mission
a. At the end of the 5th Act is a New Creation (or a 6th Act)

What we need to do is immerse ourselves in the first 4 Acts and know it so well that we can continue and finish the 5th Act.

We unfortunately begin the story with the Fall. However there is a Creation before the Fall. When we root ourselves in Creation then we look forward to the new Creation started in Jesus.

Tacum Alam – the healing of God

Relationships –
At the core, to be in the image of God is to be in relationship. God has always been in relationship with himself, (Trinity)
We’re to be in relationship with:
1) God
2) Others
3) Ourselves
4) Creation

Genesis 1:26, 2:15;
Reflecting God, being in His image.
God gives us an identity (image) and a mission (cultivation; all those relationships).
God gave orders:
1) be fruitful and multiply
2) fill the earth (read the Tower of Babel; was the problem that they were building the tower? Or that they were gathering in one place and not filling the earth?) then in New Testament (go to all the world), but the disciples gather in Jerusalem but in Acts 8 there is persecution and the disciples are scattered.
3) Stewards of the earth (Hebrew for Adam/man is adama)
4) Sabbath
5) The Tree

The Fall – the serpent enters and Adam and Eve believe a lie. They didn’t believe that their role was good enough. They believed that there was something better. “That we may contribute a verse.” What is our verse?

Genesis 3:8 – 13, 15 (reference to Jesus, image of hope), 21 (their fig leaf coverings were not enough; so God made them garments of skin. The first death in history. A covering made by a sacrifice.)

Movement of sins destruction –
Individual – society – animal kingdom – earth
Abraham and his people are blessed to be a blessing in the same movement as sin.

God wants to dwell among his people.

Identity and mission –
At Sinai God calls his people a treasured possession, a kingdom of priests, and a holy nation. Blessed to be a blessing.
Luke 4 – Jesus reads Isaiah. He knows his identity and out of that declared his mission. The cross was a symbol of terror and death and murder and Jesus changed it to a symbol of hope and redemption.

New Creation –
Colossians 1:19 – the fullness of him who is all things in all ways.

Find where God is at work in the word where we live and join in with Him, no matter who is leading that force. (my own thoughts)

be fruitful and multiply does not only refer to Christian marriage, but also for a single individual to go out into all the world and make disciples.

Resources –
“The Drama of Scripture”. Bartholomew and Goheen
“Engaging God’s World”. Cornelius Plantinga
“Simply Christian”. N.T. Wright
“Heaven is a Place on Earth”. Michael E. Wittmer
“For the Beauty of the Earth”. Steven Bouma-Prediger
“Slaves, Women, and Homosexuals”. William J. Webb
“Truth is Stranger Than It Used To Be”. Brian Walsh and Sylvia Keesmaat
“How Can the Bible be Authoritative?”. N.T. Wright, www.ntwrightpage.com

Isn't She Beautiful - Day 1 - Session 3

2007-01-24T13:43:00.000-05:00

There’s a Box? A Theology of Creativity

There are two types of creativity: 1) one that is outside the box. 2) one that doesn’t realize there was a box in the first place

1) Sacramental Imagination
2) The art of tension, elimination, perspective, expulsion, turning the edit button off, risk, and space
3) Buckets, chunks, and the all important marinade

1) Genesis 28:10; “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it”
Jacob wakes up. It is a physical awakening but also a spiritual awakening.

Psalm 24; “The earth is the LORD’s and everything in it.”
John 5:17; “My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I to am working.”

Peggy Noonan on sacramental imagination:
“It has to do with seeing God in all things, and with being perhaps particularly open to the physical reality of the constant…

David Letterman to Warren Zevon: “What have you learned that you can share?”, “I know how much you’re supposed to enjoy every sandwich.”

Your mind has to work at 24/7 translating the constant work of God into words.

Luke 15:23
Fattened calf was more like reconciling him to the entire village. V 28, brother doesn’t want anything to do with it. Not even a goat. (bad image in Jewish history)
The art of tension. Jesus leaves the Prodigal Son story unresolved.

You do not have to resolve everything on the spot. Some things cannot be resolved in a 30 minute sermon.

Why does Jesus do this?
1) the Parable invites you to find yourself in it.
2) Begins the discussion. You can’t NOT talk about it.

If you can resolve it then you haven’t done your job. It needs to inspire and cause reason to act.

2) The art of elimination. Get rid of the extra stuff. “If I would have had more time, I would have said less.” – Mark Twain

“Lust for Life”, story about Van Gogh. (pg 90)

What’s the controlling idea here?
If I only had a few words to capture this…
What needs to go?
What’s good but not absolutely necessary?
What is this in its most raw, pure, unadulterated form?

The art of turning the edit button off. Listen to your gut instincts. If you ever have thoughts that are way out there, or crazy, don’t stifle them. Write down all thoughts.

Abandonment is central to creativity.
That’s crazy
We could never pull that off
This makes no sense
I don’t see how any of this is related
If someone were to read this…

“The Gods aren’t angry” – another speaking tour for fall like “Everything is Spiritual”

GET RID OF THE EDIT BUTTON

The art of expulsion – getting stuff out of you.
Anne Lamott: “I write because I have to.”
What is it that’s inside of me that will kill me if I don’t get it out.
Why do you care?
What is the thing inside of you about this that people have to hear?
What do you have to get out or you are going to spontaneously combust?

The art of space
Fast thinking: getting stuff done; slow thinking: meditating on something

Jesus told his disciples to get in the boat. There’s not much to do on a boat. He’s creating space.

The art of risk
You have to be willing to stub your toe and fall down.
Nothing is wasted in God’s economy. As a pastor we’re supposed to be leading everyone. Who cares if we mess up. Try things. We’re supposed to lead the way because we have nothing to fear.
Not everyone will appreciate it. Some people will say things about you.

Sometime we work so hard to make a few people happy and there are millions out there who need to hear what you have to say.

Isn't She Beautiful - Day 2 - Session 1

2007-01-24T13:42:00.001-05:00

A few thoughts on God, Jesus, salvation, judgment, heaven, hell, who’s in, who’s out, and the end of the world as we know it

Or theology seems to be all about going to heaven. Isn’t the Gospel about today? Or is it just fire insurance? Our theology seems to be just for some other time.

Going to heaven… Is that the best God can do? I need help today.

“Said the prayer” but don’t follow Jesus? Never “said the prayer” but live a lot like a Jesus follower. Is the kind of person youre becoming irrelevant?

If it doesn’t matter what kind of person you are, then what did Jesus teach?

Which Jesus? The 1-800-big hair Jesus?
“Stumbling Toward Faith”. Renee Olsten(?) starts this book with an account of her father raping her while reciting the Lord’s Prayer and molesting her while singing Christian hymns. Some Jesus’ should be rejected.

What Jesus have people been exposed to?

Of all the billions of people in the world?
Us?
Only us?
A select few who happen to believe/confess/do a few things that even they can’t agree on?

What if the missionary gets a flat tire?

Age of accountability? If a baby dies it’ll go to heaven because of what King David said. But what if a 13 year old “atheist” dies in a car accident. When its your own flesh and blood, the rules seem to change, don’t they?

So there’s no hope. No hope? How is any of this grace?

How is a person saved? If you ONLY had the Bible how would you answer this question?
Luke 7; speech about authority
Luke 18:9; have mercy on me a sinner
Luke 23:42; remember me when you get to your Kingdom
Is it something you say?

John 3; no one can see it without being born again
Luke 20:27; those who are considered worthy…
Is it something you have to be?

Matthew 6:14; if you forgive others, God will forgive you
Matthew 7:21; only those who do the will of God will be in heaven, not those who say “Lord, Lord”
Matthew 10:22; stand firm and everyone will hate…then you will be saved
Luke 7:36; she hasn’t said a word yet by v 38. Its her posture, her attitude, her heart. her love (v47)
Luke 15:18; I have sinned against heaven and you. I am no longer worthy to be your son
John 11:25; whoever lives by believing in me will never die
Acts 2:38; repent and be baptized for the forgiveness of your sins
Is it something you say? Be? Do?
Luke 19; Zacchaeus’ speech is that he will give half of his possessions to the poor. Jesus doesn’t say that he doesn’t care about justice, he only cares about personal salvation.

Matthew 9; the paralyzed man was saved because of his friends faith
Mark 2; his friends unroofed the roof. Jesus forgave the paralyzed man again because of his friends faith.
1 Corinthians 7:15;
Is it something someone else does?

Acts 9; Saul is persecuting the Christians. Jesus, “Why are you persecuting me?” Saul, “Who are you?” THAT’S the conversion!
Romans 10:14; Paul links salvation…someone hears, because someone said, because someone sent….
Is it something that someone says to you? Something somebody tells you to say/do/trust/believe?

Sometimes its not anything you say or do…God spoke and you were saved.

Is it about believing?
Luke 4:33, 41; the only ones who are CLEAR about who Jesus is are the demons.
James 2:19; even the demons believe…and they shutter.

If you were asked “How does a person get saved, converted, in, redeemed, etc.? and you only had the Bible to answer the question…you would have lots of answers.

Salvation is holistic in nature. Jesus wants to save all of us. Jesus wants to save us from sin, hatred, revenge, debt, our past, hatred, racism, poverty, anything that hinders the full shalom that God created for the entire world.

1) Destination Theology – out or in, somewhere out there or already arrived. You’re saved now help save others.
2) Journey Theology – there are people who are believers and extremely selfish, Jesus wants to save us from selfishness. Jesus wants to save us from abuse, from indifference. There are moments of arrival all along the way
If our salvation can tracked on an arrow what would those moments on the journey be? For me in 8th grade I became aware of my mortality. Jesus saved me of my eternal arrogance. In college I became aware of the church’s problems which made me aware of my desire to grow. Jesus saved me from apathy.

Matthew 12:32; a Jew doesn’t talk about forever. Jews talk about this age and the age to come.
Matthew 13:39; Jesus talks about the end of the age
Matthew 13:49; end of the age
Matthew 24:3; end of the age

There is this age and the age to come.
Olam haba – life in the age to come, translated to eternal life in english
Luke 18:30; life in this age and in the life to come, olam haba
Matthew 19:16; “what do I do to have olam haba?”

Olam haba also means harmony with God.

Eternal life is a quality of life. A life filled with holistic shalom with our Maker.

Matthew 19:28; at the renewal of all things…(Matthew)
Acts 3:21; …God to restore everything… (Peter)
Colossians 1:19; All things are held together in Jesus…reconcile to Himself all things by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. (Paul)

Yes, the cross is about personal salvation, but its not the WHOLE picture. When you shrink salvation down to personal individual salvation, you are not preaching the whole Gospel.

In – Out
Jesus says, be careful some of those you assume are in are not, and some you assume are out are actually in. Be very careful when you start making judgments about others state of their soul.

Newsweek August 14, 2006. Billy Graham, “I believe the love f God is absolute. He said he gave his son for the whole world…

We invite people to trust Jesus wherever they go on their journey. We are not called to destroy other religions. We are only to show Jesus to people.

Richard Rohr: “My simple definition of salvation would be when one begins to live in conscious union with God. This, of course, grows and develops and Jesus makes it plain that this has to begin in our bodies, in our human lives, in our experience in this world, now, and for that Jesus is surely necessary for salvation….its not a formula or a mere affirmation but a change of identity.”

The Bible begins in chapter 1 NOT chapter 3.
Genesis 1; God blesses them. Shalom is the blessing and goodness God created for all things. Adam and Eve are in right and harmonious union with God. 2:5, there was no shame. There was shalom with God, shalom with each other, humanity, shalom with the earth. Subdue the earth, lovingly care for it.

There are a few verses on people and the rest on the rest of Creation. A 4th dimension could be shalom with the self.

Shalom
…with God
…with others
…with self
…with creation

3:7; their eyes were opened and they realized they were naked. v 9, where are you? Does God not know? “God in Search of Man” Abraham Joshua Heschel

The story begins in chapters 1 and 2. not 3. Chapter 1 and 2 is Shalom. Chapter 3 is sin. Sin is anywhere shalom has been disturbed.

God wants to reside among his people.

To be a Christian is to believe that life is going somewhere. Its not to think how can I escape this world now, its how can I live with God now! God is looking for partners.

Whats scary is when people talk about hell some day and refuse to care about the hell that is going on today. Sudan. AIDS. Loneliness. Depression. Hell on earth is real.

1 Thessalonians 4;13 the Rapture passage. :-D
historians record that in earthquakes Thesolonici was destroyed. People had to move outside the city. Cesar sent money to rebuild their city. He wanted to come and see it. The city went out to welcome Cesar when they heard the blowing of the horns to welcome the King. They welcomed him and then went back to the city to show him how they rebuilt it after he gave them the resources. Paul uses the same language. Paul is saying that God will return and we will show him what weve done with the resources hes given us.

Isn't She Beautiful - Day 2 - On Preaching

2007-01-24T13:39:00.000-05:00

On Preaching…
How can Monday come with Sunday staring you in the face?

Buckets, Chunks, and Marinade:
Buckets is a folder with all sorts of thoughts, ideas, questions, scripture that I don’t understand
Chunks is what happens to those buckets when they start to grow and become something that preaches.
Marinade. Don’t preach something that hasn’t been marinating for months.

Are there any key words?
Logos – program that looks up origins, etc.
Do these words have pictures or images that could help bring light to the text?
Is there any physical object in the text that would bring to light aspects of the text?
Are there any people? When we first meet Jacob he is dressed up like his brother and when hes asked who he is he says, Im Esau. Years later, hes broken , been on the run, and he just wrestled with some angelic being, and hes asked his name again…Im Jacob.
Where is the first mention of this in the Bible?
Are there concepts or truths that are in other areas?

We need to move from having to say something to having something to say.

Word ﬂ------------------------------------------------‡ Flesh
Jesus didn’t come to abolish the words, he came to show us what those words look like with flesh and bone put to those words. Around us are living examples of the text.
Action ﬂ------------------------------------------------‡ Awareness
Are we balancing action and awareness?

Reading of text. Stories. Pointed Questions. Reflective Questions. Rant. There are so many different dimensions to a teaching.

Isn't She Beautiful - Day 2 - Session 2

2007-01-24T13:38:00.000-05:00

Becoming the Church
Neighborhoods of hope in a culture of despair

What does it look like to mobilize the church? How can I join in to what God is already doing in our world?

Case Study –
With the first couple who are living together, the group had great intentions, but missed the story, and blew it by driving them away.

Becoming
We are people of a great story. We’re on journey. Scripture says to be prepared to give an answer for the hope within us, but it seems no one is asking. It appears that our story isn’t a great story.

Consumer Church – If it is just a check we send then we are missing the compassion and the relationship with those we are supposed to be loving. Its not a matter of just fixing but joining.

Egypt – Babylon – Rome – global consumerism
all are empires

subversive organization – al qaeda, black panthers, hells angels, green peace, plow shares, amnesty international

Al Qaeda – young boys in poverty with broken families are taken in, given food, shelter, education, training, and a story. Then they are trained and mobilized to act out there purpose.
What if the Church was like this?

Extreme Home Makeover – this is church better than most of us. They tell peoples stories.

We need to show people that they are part of a story.

Moses – enters the covenant relationship with God then ends up drunk and naked.
Abraham – enters the relationship and then pimps out his wife…twice
David – adultery, murder
Israel
Discipes
Paul chooses Timothy, who’s father was Greek and would not have even been allowed to study.

If we’re to be a gift to the world then we need to find our own story. We need to experience the transformational power of Jesus in my own heart if I want to share that with someone else.
We are people who are more about fixing than joining.

Posture –
Job – his friends sit with him for 7 days. Then his friends start talking and trying to FIX Job, when they were doing better when they sat there silently.

“Adopt a Family”
does that imply equality? No. it implies a top-down relationship.

Reclaim “neighbor” as noun
And “neighboring” as verb

Neighbor is location and vocation.

All the law and prophets…lean toward this…love your neighbor as yourself

Ephesians 3:20; Paul is calling us to interdependent imagination. It flows out of interdependent love.

By 2025, whites will make up less than 50%.
We live in a new sub-urban world.
Gentrification

Justice is most always married to relationships and injustice is most always divorced from relationships.

Reclaim a theology of Place
Proximity is central to mission. We need neighbors who will reclaim where they live as followers of Jesus. All the law and prophets leans on loving its neighbors.

Neighborhood network – church in, to, or with
Connecting people who live near each other to share the needs in their neighborhood.

Are we a church in a community? A church to the community? Or are we a church with our community? Reclaiming the dignity of their community.

From betterment to EMPOWERMENT

Mitzvoth – simple small actions. Significant teaming up with God.

Mission Continuum
Progression toward (away from self)
Maturity
Not Linear
Awareness ‡ experimentation ‡ investment ‡ stewardship
Others ‡ posture ‡ capacity ‡ sustainability
Experimentation doesn’t mean hours upon hours. Just a few hours will help.

From a Pastoral model to a Missional model

Lets watch the news closely. Reclaim the Parish!
Focusing for impact
Use the agencies that exist to mobilize people
Measure impact not numbers

3 issues in Grand Rapids that Mars Hill is backing
Education
Health
Poverty

What would they be in Tallahassee?

Isn't She Beautiful - Day 2 - Session 3

2007-01-24T13:36:00.000-05:00

The Absolute Necessity of Endlessly Reclaiming Your Innocence

“Microfinance”
Barundi – poorest nation.
Turami – Microfinance project

Numbers 15; God commands the people to attatch tassels to the corners of their robes.

Tzit tzit – tassels. To remind you of the covenant we have made to God. 5 knots for the books of Moses, 4 spaces fr the letters of Gods name.

Malachai – he will rise with healing in his “knaf”(wings, robe)

Stop talking and do it. If you are afraid, hold onto the tassels.

Maybe we need to return to our call. Lets be born again. Maybe we need healing. Grab onto the knaf.

Hoopah – canopy, a bride and groom would stretch the prayer shawl over the couple as a reminder that God hovers over his people.

James – if anyone is sick or weary, let the elders anoint you with oil.

Worship Band played during Communion and prayer

a recent update on thoughts and life

2007-01-16T10:39:00.000-05:00

The past few months have brought many new experiences. Some are etched into my mind (or my skin) and others will fade with each passing day. This new years brings about two major changes for me. A month after opening the Coffee Pub I have a new schedule; a new opportunity for me to learn what I discovered in Miami in December, that I do not know how to rest. It is a learning process, for sure, but a new year and new schedule allow for me to discover a renewed sense of life in God and in my own skin; a chance to feel alive again.

Alongside those new things that seem to infiltrate the mentality of everyone's "new" year, I have the loss of someone who has, for for the past four months, been a constant presence of hope and patience and love and caring in my sea of chaos that has been my life. Jackie and I began dating and things seemed great. But it ended on Sunday night.

Apparently, my realization that I needed to learn how to escape an addiction to work was not solely felt by me. The next stage in my life is focused on seeking out a union of my mind with the heart of God, to find peace and happiness alone.

something im learning

2006-10-26T23:37:00.000-05:00

like dancing, you can't mentor someone against their will. if they want you as a spiritual guide in their life then they will show that.

but...you can love someone against their will. and love is the one true necessity in mentoring.

The Coffee Pub Blog

2006-10-25T19:56:00.000-05:00

http://thecoffeepubtally.blogspot.com/

we have posted new pictures on the coffee pubs blog.

my Cathedral

2006-10-22T09:44:00.000-05:00

I needed to get away because with every day that passed I was convincing myself that I did not want to be here, that I could not do it. I needed to get away because God had to remind me that He was still here and that I had to listen.

I went hiking in Providence Canyon in Georgia this weekend with my roomate Caleb. We hiked 18 miles.

The first night I realized that I had spent the entire day without thinking back to Tallahassee, Miami, work, friends, nothing. I had managed for the first time in a long time to clear my mind. And this brought me peace.

On the last night I started to think about work. But I wasn't thinking about what had to get done. My thoughts were on the fact that I felt refreshed. That God had given me the rest my soul had been needing for so long. And I looked forward to getting back and finishing my work.

pray without ceasing

2006-10-06T06:23:00.000-05:00

I have always heard the Scripture that tells us to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) but never knew how that was possible; never had experience. Tonight at 2:20 am I received an IM from my best friend, Danny, and his wife, Anais, who is 9 months pregnant. She began having contractions and they told me this may be the night.

As I have been reading through the book of Genesis it has become impressed upon me how the great leaders of God's movement throughout history have been in such close relationship with Him that they not only walk and talk with Him and make him dinner (Genesis 18:8) but that they also speak His promises to His people. I think this becomes possible because when you can fully immerse yourself in the presence of God, nothing else is able to compete for your mind.

At 2:20 am I began to pray for my best friend, that he be a man who leads his family to deep intimacy with God, being a role model for his new baby boy; for Anais, that she have an easy birth, first and foremost, that she would be a loving a nurturing mother who will be a model of a Godly woman so that her son will know the beauty of a woman who loves God passionately; for their marriage, that it be strenghthened with the birth of their first son; for #3 (the baby's temporary name), that he grow up to be a man who follows God with all he is and that he become a man who leads people toward God's activity here on earth.

I fell asleep and I continued to pray. I have never been able to pray without ceasing until tonight. My heart and my mind have been so focused on Danny, Anais, and #3 and asking God to be with them and strenghthen them and grow them, that I, for the first time in my life, have been able to focus entirely on Him. It is now 7:53 am and I have not stopped praying. Now the goal is to remember that God is always this close and to try to remain this focused on Him.

a long time coming

2006-09-21T23:23:00.000-05:00

a lot of work has been done. i have failed to keep you all up to date. here are some fun times that rj and i had at the pub...and i will try to update with more recent work soon.

what a lie!

2006-08-16T11:56:00.000-05:00

yesterday's blog was a lie. hah

I said that I was not going to seek other people's love, that is so not true. As much as I want to pretend that I can be a loner, it is not true. "I can't do this all on my own,I'm no superman".

It's not only that I need other people's love...its actually that I can't survive without it.

God is love and gives it overwhelmingly but unfortunately I can't get a hug from God; but he does give us people. He gives us friends. He gives us families. We were created to be with each other and not to be alone. Sometimes we need time away from people to spend time with God, but if our time alone is time without God then that is not right either.

We need to remember that not only does God love us but that all around us are people that desperately love us too.

faces

2006-08-14T15:50:00.000-05:00

A website that Stratton found has the magical ability to take your face and make you different ethnicities and other things...
baby me with a beard.

old michael.

afro-carribean michael.

asian michael.

middle eastern michael.

Modigliani Michael.

El Greco Michael.

anime me.

loft

2006-08-02T15:40:00.000-05:00

dust is flying.

2006-08-02T09:06:00.000-05:00

we had a bit of a hicup this week. a sprinkler line broke and the Coffee Pub flooded.

picture this: you cross monroe, driving on 5th avenue, and a fire truck is blocking the street. the reason? there are 8 firemen inside a soon-to-be coffee shop, sweeping water, an inch deep, out of the building. water begins seeping into the neighboring businesses. and you stand outside and say to yourself, "crap. i am in way over my head".

but, we got the water out and as the room dries the piles of dirt show the work that has been done.

not only that, but in exactly one week, the work that has been done is astounding!

more work

2006-07-26T13:18:00.000-05:00

things are moving. the framing is being started today and should be done by the end of the week.

atl and then some.

2006-07-24T07:44:00.000-05:00

Over the past two weeks, many things have happened that have been blogworthy. I have neglected this right of mine to blog.

But, still, God is at work. He is allowing for things to get difficult and smoothing out some other areas.

I went to Atlanta last week to hear the teachings of Rob Bell. It was going to be a double awesome thing because Shannon was supposed to meet up with us. Unfortunately, she was busy trying to finalize school board stuff in Atlanta and wasn't able to join us. Rob Bell, in the meantime, was phenomenal. He talked about String Theory and Quantum Physics. It was a mind numbing evening. In his teaching he spoke of the difference between the knowledge of our minds and what we do with it in our hearts. His words spread throughout my life. This doesn't simply apply to a spiritual level, but to everything; our relationships with people we "love", etc.

Our minds are capable of knowing a lot, but when that knowledge doesn't translate to our hearts, doesn't drive us to take action, then it is meaningless and we are not being the complete beings that God created us to be. If how we love others IS how we love God, then there should be a much deeper connect between the things our mind knows, the words that we say, and the actions that we take. At the same time, if we know what God wants from us or does not want from us, and we continue to do the opposite, then we do not love God. There is a respect and obedience that is required when dealing with the God of the universe. The same God who came up with String Theory and Quantum Physics is involved in our lives, and to ignore what we know is His love and guidance, is to walk away from the reality of that God; it is to break all law of science and nature, and life itself.

It is exciting to realize that the God who is involved in the details is also involved in the big picture of things. But it also incredible to realize that we are capable of drawing ourselves closer to God by taking action in the things and places we know He is working. And if how we love others is how we love God, then I pray that I start loving others a whole lot more.

breaking up...the concrete

2006-07-14T14:30:00.000-05:00

if we were to hypothetically start construction on the coffee pub today, these pictures are what it might look like. Happy Bastille Day to all!

let the games begin

2006-07-13T10:32:00.000-05:00

I am overwhelmed with the realization that the Coffee Pub is happening. Today the signs around the Coffee Pub were put up. Our name is up on the Manor @ Midtown(e) sign. People are stopping when they see us to ask when we will be open; that they are waiting and are excited.

I stood inside the Pub today and looked out the front doors at the logo which now graces our entrance and I "saw" everything. It was real. I felt like I was in a real coffee shop, not just an empty building.

So not only is there the excitement of the signage coming up, but the plumbing guys are "scheduled" to go in today and tear up the concrete to start laying pipe. (Yea, I said laying pipe).

I will be updating with photos much more often. Also check out our MySpace page.

is this thing on?

2006-07-10T22:41:00.000-05:00

Wow. Been a bit dead in the blogging world, eh?

I have been in a weird funk lately. Satan seems to really work hard on me sometimes, and the way he gets at me is through feelings of loneliness and insecurity. I start to worry that I am a terrible friend, that I am a burden. I used to joke with my friend Aly that one day I was going to dig a hole in the ground and hide in there, where I couldn't be a bad friend to anyone any more.

Those are the thoughts that Satan has been throwing at me. Add to that the stresses which I tend to hide concerning the Coffee Pub. It is an exciting time, but that means a whole lot of work, and a lot is riding on RJ and me. Now, God is good and we are so not alone in this; and if we truly think about this, none of it rests entirely on our shoulder. However, the brain has a funny way of blowing things out of proportion when it can't respond to reality.

And that's where I end up with the feelings about loneliness and fear that I my friends have had enough of me.

Tonight, in our Parish, we discussed something that I am aware of but rarely accept it as a reality that I allow to exist. God is always present. Heck, I preached on it this past Sunday. We can't invite God in, because God is already here. It US who shows up. It is encouraging to remember that even when I begin to let Satan twist my brain activity, that God is right there reminding me to ignore that liar.

and if I refuse to listen to God, I can still use that to make me a better friend, right? That way, good can come out of what Satan was trying to destroy. Ha! I'll show that bastard!

Well, until the next fit of blogging energy.

about this blog and muppets

2006-06-24T22:44:00.000-05:00

When I began .:making sense of what i got:. my intention was for this to be a blog about what God is doing in my life and in the lives around me, how it is affecting the universe I spin around in, and how amazing it all is. It was not suppossed to be a blog where I can vent my frustrations, etc; however, there are certain times and feelings which are a part of my spiritual journey and are responses to unceasing prayer even though they may be dealing with relationships (with girls or friends) etc.

With that disclaimer, and with another one in the next few sentences, there is a song from a show cast entirely by muppets which really says a whole lot. It says it perfectly to be exact:

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

what keeps me up

2006-06-15T02:32:00.000-05:00

I have this bad habit of thinking I'm everyones father. I wake up in the middle of the night, most nights, to get a drink of water, and I always double check the lights and the door locks. I have ever since moving away to college. I check on my roomates too sometimes, to make sure that they weren't silently kidnapped in the middle of the night. When my friends are struggling through issues, I tend to suffer with them. I wouldn't say this is bad, I mean, its empathy, and I think its a Christlike characteristic, but it is possible, I believe, to worry too much for others.

Please pray for me that God teaches me how to care for others with his love; to suffer when they suffer and to rejoice when the rejoice, but not to be consumed by any of it. Also pray for me that I might become a better example and that the ways in which I have messed up and lead people astray from wise decisions be forgiven and changed within me. Pray that God admonishes me in those areas.

cucumber melon and all that goes with it

2006-06-14T00:54:00.000-05:00

i believe in love.

i don't know if i'm one of those "there's only one person out there for each person", soul-mate kind-of-a-guy, or not, in fact, i've usually stayed away from that sort of thinking. i've always told myself that anyone, with enough will power, could make any relationship work. i don't know if i actually believe it when i say that though.

perhaps i have watched too many movies. perhaps i am more a product of my culture than i like to admit. what i do know is that love hurts sometimes. i know that all around us we hear culture saying "love heals" and "all you need is love", but what most of these things fail to teach us is what the heck to do when love is not resolved at a new year's party or when learning portugese doesn't help.

now, i don't want a lesson from pop culture. there are enough examples of divorce and all the wrong things. it's just that when i think about love i know exactly what it is. i know who its with. i see how it will end...if things in the world worked out perfectly. others may not see it. in fact, others usually have all the "right" answers and they usually differ from mine, but sometimes i just wish that God would get on with it and quit stalling.

i watched love actually, finally, after weeks of having certain scenes running through my mind. it is amazing how many different things i felt. maybe circumstances play such a big role in our experience that pure thought gets muddled, but sometimes things get so complicated in my mind, i wish i could just run away and hide. being the kind of person i am, i would probably come looking for people soon after, but that is just something i suppose i will have to learn to deal with. i am learning there are a lot of things i am just gonna have to deal with.

so much to say and so few words

2006-06-12T14:35:00.000-05:00

I am so tired. A lot has been happening. Coffee Pub is about have some movement...finally. Construction should begin by the end of this week. Last Thrusday all the the paperwork was submitted and we were given the green light for our permiting. Now we wait the few more days to get the actual permit. I am making some great new friends and getting even closer to some not old but not new ones also. A friend, who has spent the past 5 years in Gainesville and the past 6 months working on a cruise ship on the west coast, may be moving to Tallahassee, if things work out as they should. This past weekend I slept 0 hours on Saturday and 2 hours on Sunday morning.

My body is exhausted, but things are just picking up. I may fly to Miami this weekend to pick up my parents Camry which will be new set of wheeels.

That, I believe, is all that is new. Please pray for me to trust God more and more every day that goes by as that is being tested.

finale week

2006-05-25T12:26:00.000-05:00

I am sure that everyone has experienced one of those days that feel like they will never end. Mine started on Monday. It ended on Wednesday night. After a few very meaningful moments and conversations with some friends who care so much about me this is what I've been learning:

God is here and He is with us.

When you're in a lake and its nighttime and you can't see what is underneath you and you prefer it that way, daytime isn't bad, even if it exposes the monsters waiting to attack you just below.

a storyl: "[There was] a man [who Baba, a Bishop] knew, who
felt called into ministry, and so decided to go to seminary. After
being at seminary for a few months he went to Baba exultant saying
that he used to struggle with temptations, and it seemed like life was
always out to get him, but now life was easy and that he never really
had to struggle with sin any more. Baba, far from being pleased, said
that he almost cried-- that it was one of the saddest things that he
had ever heard. For it meant that this man was no longer doing
anything worthwhile for the Kingdom, for the Devil had decided that he
was no threat and that there was very little room for God to move in
this man's life. For God proves himself in adversity, and purifies us
with suffering. Baba prays that he will never know a life where he
does not have to continually go down on his knees to beg God for the
strength and the ability to persevere."

You know that you are in a real and true community of believers when your friends step up and feed you when you need food, take you out when you need to get fresh air, and give you a car when yours is shitting up on you, and give you a floatie to keep you from going under when the monsters in the lake smell blood.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today is Thursday and it is a new day. Chris Rice says, "What were you doing while I dreamt the night away? Cause I can tell that something's different and my eyes ain't even open yet." I woke up today to a new peace and the warmth of a loving God. There are days that don't seem to end. And there are some you wish wouldn't. The truth, however, is that they all do. The good and the bad. And God remains involved, loving, caring, and good.

PLUS! XMen III tonigth at midnight! what can I say? I'm a little kid!

emily

2006-05-15T22:55:00.000-05:00

Last week my mother was in town. She and I went to the Dollar Store and while I was there I saw a doll, named Emily, with a rather unfortunate disformity on her face. She touched my soul however. I took a picture with my cell phone and hared it with friends later that night. My new friend Luccia went out and brought Emily to me. She is great and now, not only is Luccia my friend, but so is Emily.

Here are some recent pictures of Emily. Love her as all of Watermark does.

word of the day

2006-05-15T18:15:00.000-05:00

another word from the beautiful German language:

Schadenfreude: (Sha-den-Froy-Duh)
Happiness at the misfortune of others.

How much more German can you get?

By the way, I actually have a whole lot of German friends and I LOVE Germany, the German language, the German people...pretty much anything German. I just think its great that they have a word so specific.

Use it in conversation today.

how long has this been going on?

2006-05-11T09:39:00.000-05:00

Today is such an amazing working day, but only under the right circumstances. I am at a coffee shop sitting by a window staring out at the rain threatening clouds, the ones with that mysterious blue-grey tone to it that blankets the whole world, seemingly, with headphones on and Ella's voice flipping around inside my soul. This isn't a blog entry to make anyone feel jealous, I am just very aware of goodness in the world and it is a bit inspiring.

one anothers

2006-05-10T08:53:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday I mentioned that in the New Testament there were 46 references to "each other" or "one another" phrases. I was wrong. Here is my list and I counted 58. It is pretty exciting to go through and read them and maybe a challenge would be to try to memorize one a day. If nothing else, it is a neat way to see how it is that Scripture tells us to be with one another and just how many times our behavior to each other is mentioned.

Love –
John 13:34, 13:35,15:12, 15:17
Romans 13:8
1 Thessalonians 3:12, 4:9
1 Peter 1:22
1 John 3:11, 3:23, 4:7, 4:11, 4:12
2 John 1:5
Implead –
Acts 19:38
Excuse –
Romans 2:15
Affectioned –
Romans 12:10
Receive –
Romans 15:7
Admonish –
Romans 15:14, Colossians 3:16
Salute –
Romans 16:16
Greet –
1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, 1 Peter 5:14
Serve –
Galatians 5:13
Forbearing –
Ephesians 4:2, Colossians 3:13
Be kind –
Ephesians 4:32
Forgive –
Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13
Teach –
Colossians 3:16
Comfort –
1 Thessalonians 4:18
Edify –
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Exhort –
Hebrews 3:13, Hebrews 10:25
Consider –
Hebrews 10:24
Questioning –
Mark 9:10
Peace –
Mark 9:50
Calling –
Luke 7:32
Trode –
Luke 12:1
Same mind –
Romans 12:16
Likeminded –
Romans 15:15
Tarry –
1 Corinthians 11:33
Care –
1 Corinthians 12:25
Confess –
James 5:16
Compassion –
1 Peter 3:8
Hospitality –
1 Peter 4:9
Minister –
1 Peter 4:10
Be subject –
1 Peter 5:5
Fellowship –
1 John 1:7
Send gifts –
Revelation 11:10

* on the negative -
Don’t judge – Romans 14:13
Be not consumed – Galatians 5:15
Not provoking – Galatians 5:26
Not envying – Galatians 5:26
Lie not – Colossians 3:9
Speak not evil – James 4:11

word of the day

2006-05-07T08:48:00.000-05:00

The other day I learned a new German word.

Klugscheisse (kloog-shy-sa)
noun
one who shits wisdom

I love that the Germans have a word this specific.

God, I pray that you fill my speech with wisdom, not so that I become a Klugscheisse, but so that I can teach your Truth, and not simply through words but through my actions as well.

communnitea

2006-05-03T14:19:00.000-05:00

For several weeks we have looked at the idea of community at Watermark; first Kobby shared and helped us paint a picture of what the first century church looked like, then RJ guided us through a discussion of love as the fruit that comes out of the church when it is as God intended it to be. If there is something that Watermark as a community has a pretty stable understanding of, it is how to live as a community of love, and spending three weeks on the subject seems a bit much, however, when we continue into the book of Acts and follow with almost all of the letters, or epistles, of the New Testament we see that soon after Christ's resurrection problems arose that threatened the continued beauty of the loving Christian church.

What are some of those things that could set us in the wrong direction? How do we continue to love one another? How do we learn to love more? In reality, if we think we are doing everything right at Watermark, then we have some serious issues to deal with. How exciting would it be if we all thought about our little Watermark family, where we do look like that Church that Kobby painted for us, where we do act out the love that RJ shared with us, and and sought to figure out how to grow more in that direction.

This Sunday we will be looking at some tough passages in Scripture and taking a hard look at ourself and, hopefully, find the grace and hope that God pours over us.

michael anthony lopez.

dinner

2006-04-28T00:03:00.000-05:00

I had a great night tonight. I ate at Fusion with a friend and what had incredible potential for an awkward evening, wasn't that. It was fun and got less awkward and more pleasant as the night went on. On our way back after dinner we realized we weren't done with the evening so we went to Lake Ella and walked and then shared a hookah and tea at Aladdin's Sheesha Cafe.

So I go to bed tonight with a smile. Hope you're smiling too.

time warp

2006-04-18T13:29:00.000-05:00

Over the past few weeks I have had several moments that have been odd. Odd in the most amazing way possible. It feels like I become entirely pulled into a particular moment and I am focusing on that moment in Time. It is a moment straight from "Waking Life", a Holy Moment. Everything surrounding the book I'm reading, or the person I'm talking to, or the activitiy I'm engaging in turns dark, and all I see is the glow and energy focused on the Moment. It is very other worldly.

I had two experiences like that this past week/weekend. The first was on Thursday. Sad from missing Watermark's "Maundy" service I attended Saint Louis Catholic church in Miami with my best friend Aly. This was their traditional hand washing service. At the front of the church stood people holding bowls filled with water. The community lined up and dipped their hands in the water and then turned to the person next to them who was holding a towel and allowed that person to dry their hands, then took the towel and dried the hands of the person behind them. When I approached the bowl I dipped my hands in and turned to a young girl, no older than 8 years old. She kindly and softly dried my hands. She had the sweetest smile and you can see the simple joy she took in this moment. I smiled back as I took the towel from her and spun, ready to dry the hands of the person behind me. I fumbled with the towel to make sure I dried their hands efficiently. Then I looked up and saw an older woman reaching her hands out to me. I went from having my own hands dried by a young girl to drying the hands of an older woman. The towel was draped over my hands as if I was about to toss a sheet of pizza dough into the air and she laid her hands in mine. With my free hand I wrapped hers in the towel and laid my hand under and on top of hers, patting them dry, but more holding her hands, as if to say, "It is well". She smiled at me and squeezed my hands, thanking me. A few moments later when the hand washing had ended and the priest asked everyone to give each other the "sign of peace" she walked up to me and hugged me. She smiled. And I saw God working. I don't know what He was saying but He was comforting me. It was almost like a time warp between a young child, so innocent and gentle, to an older woman, wise and kind.

The second moment was on Saturday evening at my friend Travis' wedding. After the ceremony, which was beautiful, nearing the end of the night, I stood by the waters of Miami Beach smoking a cigar with my two friends Josue Blanco and Daniel Villa de Rey. Standing there enjoying our cigars and laughing I looked passed my friends and saw a group of older Cuban men standing in a similar circle, laughing and smoking cigars as well. I smiled as everything except them and my friends turned dark. That group of men is me in a few years. I enjoyed seeing myself and my friends in a few years.

It was a wonderful weekend and although the sorrow of missing out on what my community was doing in Tallahassee affected me, God made Himself known and clear, reminding me of the hope we have in Him.

the days and nights are long

2006-04-11T23:35:00.000-05:00

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone,
If you feel like letting go,
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

4 Hats

2006-04-07T13:56:00.000-05:00

Today the Tallahassee Democrat posted a review. on Fusion Cafe, Watermark's new home. It has also become our favorite meeting and lunching place since we've moved our offices one block over from it.

I have yet to go out there for dinner, but will probably be there tonight for dinner, so go and support a brother. Their food is delicious!

something's out there

2006-04-03T00:50:00.000-05:00

In a dark room in a corner of the city of Tallahassee a boy sits at his crowded desk lit only by faint glow of his laptop and a small lamp. He sits and he sighs deeply thinking on the events of the day. Nothing monumental or earth shattering occurred, but the sense that the presence of God is thickening the air he breaths and consuming everything we walk past so nonchalantly fills every cell in his body. Tonight he sits and realizes that there is something bigger than all of this. He leans back and smiles.

This evening Watermark had its first service in Fusion Cafe, a great new restaurant owned by one our friends, Robbie Joynt. Robbie is, to me, teetering on the verge of man crush, because he has been so helpful in directing us and guiding us step by step to the success of the Coffee Pub. He also offered up his restaurant for us to gather for worship on Sundays.

Anyone who knows me knows my lack of organization, and as B-Mac pointed out in A New Kind of Christian, we tend to make God out to be bigger and better versions of ourselves. I see God as a creative Genius. And I tend to see him as a bit unorganized...not in a lack of control kind of way, but in the way that one would look at a Van Gogh painting. Up close there are globs of paint seemingly isolated on a canvas of swirling chaos but from a distance it becomes a masterpiece of organized beauty and power. Tonight I feel like I stepped back and saw globs coming together.

I met a brother from this family we call our faith named Michael. He stumbled upon our blogs and simply sent a note of encouragement to me and to RJ through them. RJ and I talked about how awesome it is to see God working throughout Tallahassee and that we can find friends like Michael who feel this desire to be true disciples, true Talmidin. It is very exciting because I found someone who is as in love with Robbie Bell as I am. (Now THAT is a man crush!) Well, Michael joined us for worship tonight and it was great to meet him. Although I sadly didn't get to chat as much as I would have liked with him we found more connections than I ever would have imagined. We both know Michael Mears, who is currently director of CCF. I am really looking forward to getting to know Michael more and sharing in this journey with him because, if God is the creative Genius I believe he is, then he has given us all a canvas, a blank sheet of paper, a musical instrument, or some way to paint a picture of our spiritual journey, and we are to share our art, our lives with those around us. I look forward to hearing his art and sharing my own. God is good and he is connecting the dots in Tallahassee and it is great to be listening and being a part of it.

check out Michael's blog and say hello while you're at it.

the Coffee Pub

2006-03-30T14:51:00.000-05:00

we finally have a logo.

spring break missions update

2006-03-13T01:06:00.000-05:00

there was this day that one only hears of in storybooks and movies with visual editing to make the sky appear so clear and perfect. it was on this day through the streets of key west that caleb and i came upon a van filled with boxes of bibles and painted on the side of this van were the words "key west bible class". we could not pass up the opportunity...to take a picture.

that set us off on a terribly funny scheme where we staged missions work all over the island. we didnt do any counter missionary things, but we didnt help build a church damaged from the hurricanes or lead bible classes. i knew that everybody would greatly appreciate this update. feel free to comment on how awesome the pics are. ;-)

the cost of discipleship

2006-03-12T11:19:00.000-05:00

i don't know why i do some of the things i do. for years my insecurities about myself have been the thought at the forefront of my mind (de mi mente). in the past week i have done things that make me more uncomfortable than many can possibly imagine. it may not mean much to anyone else, but for me it took more strength and courage than walking up to a pack of buffalo grazing the swamps of the everglades and offering them a slab of meat for for dinner. some of my choices confused and in a slight way bothered some of my closer friends. while the other decision makes me ask myself, "what the frick were you thinking!"

the first was going to the beach and taking off my shirt. i know how absurd that sounds, but remember, my insecurities go deeper than you could imagine. now, why would i go years without taking off my shirt in front of people; years of going to the beach and pool and wearing my tshirt; but then suddenly taking it off at south beach, of all places, where the hard bodied, rippling six packs were so prevalent one would imagine there was a kiosk nearby handing them out for 2 cents a pop? it was pride, as odd as that sounds. the thought of being seen as insecure, for the first time in years, held more power than my actual insecurity. is that a success? a failure? is pride the kryptonite of my insecurity? i don't think so, but it won me over that day.

and this morning i wake up to caleb reminding me of my promise to go running. why did i make that promise! i know exactly why. i told caleb my reasons. 1) south beach and all those abs, 2) a friend in gainesville. what? a friend in gainesville? i haven't talked much about it to many people, but i can't stop thinking about her and poor caleb hasn't stopped hearing about her. but back on subject, i went running. or, rather, i should say, i went speed hopping with a nice throw up intermission followed by a lame walk of shame home.

why did i do these things? what about caleb made me feel the need to expose my harshest insecurities? perhaps i am realizing that if you want someone to open up and be real with you, to feel comfortable enough with their own insecurities and shortcomings, you need to set an example. there is the risk of being seen as weak. incapable. and a overall embarrassment. but i at least know that my heart is in finding out who i am and who the people are around me. and when i do then we can begin that journey of becoming more like christ despite our shame, insecurities, pride, pale orca-like belly at the beach or vomitous intermissions in life.

spring break

2006-03-07T09:43:00.000-05:00

It sounds great to say that I took a week off to spend in Miami and the Keys but the problem that I have, and I find increasing similarities with Caleb, is that we cannot go somewhere where there is a need and walk on by for a snapshot at Hemingway's house. Just around the corner of Hemingway's Key West house, was a church which had been so badly damaged from the hurricanes this year that parts of their interior were still exposed. Caleb and I helped.

Things always lead to another, as I found out on the Apprentice tonight, and we ended leading a few Bible classes.

In sad news, Pepi got voted off the Apprentice last night. Caleb and I were at his house, hanging out with not only him, but one of the other Apprentices also, Sean. It was a really fun time with the whole family, and we all could tell that things were not looking good for Pepi throughout the show. But to sit and hang out with him and Sean and all their family was brilliant and such a truly unique experience.

Today I am taking Caleb on the one and only Tour of Miami. So we are getting ready to head out now. But before I do...here's one last image for you to sit and be jealous of.

a photo-bloggertunity/tcp update

2006-02-27T17:14:00.000-05:00

today is a day that i have been waiting for for years, unknowingly, of course. i never considered the signing of a lease on a building when i first thought of wanting to open up a coffee shop many years ago. i liked coffee. i knew many other people who liked coffee. and i could make it good. i thought that was all that was needed. surely, my reputation would precede me.

but today we signed the lease. and here i am realizing that my smile and charm that got me through so many years of school no longer have that power, and that every minute of my life is now dedicated to the success of a ministry which ultimately does fall in Gods hands. but enough worry. that begins tomorrow since today is my "day off". we signed the lease. its done. here it is.

the wonder years

2006-02-24T01:09:00.000-05:00

i downloaded the first season. this show is my childhood. as i watch it i do not see kevin arnold but rather myself. it helps that i looked just like him when i was his age and watching the tv screen is like looking at myself, in the sixties, but nonetheless, i relate.

so i watched the first episode and remembered how great that show really was. there are times you watch something from your childhood, smurfs, for example, and even though youll still love it, you realize that it was terrible. not so with the wonder years.

so i leave you with a thought from the final scene of the pilot episode. straight from january 31, 1988:
"it was the first kiss for both of us. we never really talked about it afterward. but i think about the events of that day again and again and somehow i know that winnie does too. and then theres some blowhard starts talking about the anonymity of the suburbs or the mindlessness of the tv generation, because we know that inside each one of those identical boxes with its dodge parked out front and its white bread on the table and its tv set glowing blue with the falling dusk there were people with stories. there were families bound together in pain and struggle and love. there were moments that made us cry with laughter. and there were moments, like that one, of sorrow and wonder."

now these are real men.

2006-02-17T11:15:00.000-05:00

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

- If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

- If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

- Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

- Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

- Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

- Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

- Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

- 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

- Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days. Wait, that is a real fact.

- Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

- Jack Bauer let the dogs out.

- Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas.

- Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

- If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

- Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

- Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

- Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

- When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

- When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

- Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

- The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.

- Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

- Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

- People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

- It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.

- Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

- Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why theres no life on Mars.

- When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer

- Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

and now for some Chuck Norris-isms.

Midtown should have an "e"

2006-02-16T16:20:00.000-05:00

a few thoughts. a coffee shop that claims to sell Cuban coffee should a) have Cuban coffee and b) have coffee that does not taste like a piece of charcoal went swimming in some sugar. the Coffee Pub will solve this tragic problem.

Midtown(e): Watermark's new home; our offices are moving; the Coffee Pub is opening; the church is moving. We are "moving into the neighborhood" as "the Message" puts it. We are having a party in a Midtown(e) park on Saturday. In short, we have found our identity. We have identified our community. And now we are one step closer to reaching one of our goals to be a good neighbor and force for good in our neighborhood.

God is taking control of situations, even when we at Watermark drop the ball. Most of the things falling into place have not been results of our diligence, but rather gifts of unexpected encouragement.

Keep praying. We need major amounts of help.

the lion

2006-02-13T20:58:00.000-05:00

Last week I soared. I was relaxed. Things went smoothly. I felt connected to people that I had been feeling distance. Through it all God spoke. What took longest for me to grasp was the balance of life and death. On Tuesday, my friend Beth's grandfather passed away. That same day my small group happened to watch a video sermon talking about mourning and grieving a loss. The result was that a group of guys, who for a few weeks had seemed to be goofing off more than growing closer in spirit, began to open up. We began to look inside ourselves. We began to look inside each other.

In this video, the teacher spoke of a Jewish tradition called "sitting shiva", where friends and family come to visit the person who is grieving and do not say a word. They sit on the floor and are just there. They are there with their friend. No one speaks. When the person they are visiting decides that they want to speak then the others can join in. I thought that was a beautiful idea.

The same day I got a phone call. A close friend of mine called me to tell me that he and his wife are having a baby. This is at the same time that at least 3 other friends of mine are also pregnant.

In one day my mind tried to wrap itself around birth and death. At the same time that one of my friends is dealing with loss, others are dealing with life.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and while people are making their plans, I wonder how this day will look in my future. I hope that God has something planned. I hope that I will experience birth in my future.

You too can make a difference.

2006-02-04T16:55:00.000-05:00

well worded Bono. well worded.

its an apple world.

2006-02-02T18:16:00.000-05:00

From now on this is my little funky machine.

coffee pub update

2006-02-02T17:03:00.000-05:00

Today we are officially incorporated!

In the Bible people celebrated and today I think it is appropriate for the Watermark family to celebrate.

the fight over who gets gay

2006-02-01T12:37:00.000-05:00

In a recent article by Brian McLaren, he attempts to deal with an issue which the topic alone immediately draws opinion. Subject matter: homosexuality. My question is, however, is that what his article was about? No. It wasn't. Unfortunately, too many people responded to the article as if B-Mac were making some outrageous claim. It is in the humble opinion of this writer that a closer read should be had in regards to the article.

B-Mac's words articulate a very real and necessary attitude check from the Christian community. Specifically, as a follower of Jesus, as people who are to be in tune with compassion, love, forgiveness, caring, understanding, and hope, you know, the "good news", we need to learn that there are always questions behind the questions people ask. When the Pharisee's tried to corner Jesus and ask him hardline questions, his most common response was another question. If Jesus is more about getting to the heart of the matter, than quickly brushing over issues, shouldn't we then be also? Jesus doesn't want us to do the right thing because if we don't we will burn in eternal damnation. Jesus wants our hearts.

I went to the theater to see Brokeback Mountain. Leaving that theater, my thoughts were not on what an immoral world we live in. My thoughts were on the struggles and hurt feelings and need to be loved by everybody in our world, including people of a homosexual orientation.

It is hard to be a single guy in his mid-twenties who desires more than anything to be in love and have a future with my wife, and thoughts of children, and the pain seems even more unbearable to believe that there are people out there that not only feel that same longing to be loved and needed, but to have to repress it. As followers of Christ, we need to see the needs behind the issues. We need to stop trying to fix people and we need to learn the listen to the heartjoys and the heartaches of our brothers and sisters, whether we share the same faith or not, because the truth is, that whether they acknowledge Christ as the one source of salvation or not, they were still created by God and in His image, and we might find that we share more in common than we've wanted to admit all along..

in the words of jazz

2006-01-31T00:39:00.000-05:00

Tonight i see vision and purpose in Tallahassee. A relaxing day of getting stuff done only slightly brushes the surface of the work God is doing deep inside. I feel at home, not in Tallahassee, but in my skin. I am satisfied, and content, and while that may change as soon as I look in a mirror, the reality is that God has been challenging and waking me up for a while now.

My mom used to use different techniques to wake my sister and I up in the morning. Her personal favorite was standing at the door with a watergun and just shooting the stream of cold water right at our faces. This was usually welcomed with some hateful screaming from myself or my sister. Country music tops my favorite of torture techniques my parents used. Well, it appears to me this week that God has a similar style. I have kicked and screamed. I have said some terrible things. And God has pulled the sheets off me and now I find myself naked and crying at my shortcomings. Like an addict going cold turkey, this has been a process of painful seperation from the things that were keeping me from growing the way God has been wanting me to grow. At moments he has given me the strength and at other times he has given others the role of taking away my drug. They havent coincided. Until now.

Tonight RJ and I went to the Warehouse for some jazz and a pipe. I felt in my skin. Not at first, mind you, I had to find myself there. There is distraction; but when a guy named CJ came and stood next to us, shared some casual friendly words which gave him permission to share our space, I saw in him what I needed. I looked over at one point and saw him, in the middle of a crowded bar, surrounded by beautiful women, beer, and smoke, and he had his eyes closed and was just soaking in the music. That is why I was there. The music cried for me. The music spoke the words that my aching soul has been needing to say. And there was peace. God invaded that place.

The bartender made a comment about RJ and me, standing at the bar, drinking a beer and smoking our pipes. He said that we were true "blue blood". I am here for a reason. God has made that clear. He has taught me, grown me, hurt me, and brought me to places where He can work his miracles.

So, thank you bartender. Thank you CJ. Thank you God.

In February won't you be my valentine?

2006-01-25T19:55:00.000-05:00

I know God works in odd ways. I have seen it in the past and I see it now. It is just extremely odd when He chooses to use you for His work. Years ago, in high school, God used me to bring a friend to church where he learned about God, and he eventually made a commitment to Christ. Since then, he fell away from his commitment to the church, to his own spiritual growth, and after some terrible experiences with a pastor who was abusing his position, left the faith altogether.

By a weird series of coincidences, he has reemerged in my life. He started dating a friend of mine, whom he met online. She had also stopped going to church. Through their conversations and getting to know each other, they somehow came to me. I got a phone call soon after. My answer to what I thought about their relationship was that I would not approve unless they both started attending church again. Now, I know that church attendance does not mean they are christians, but they were not getting any closer to God away from it either.

They started coming to watermark and have fully plugged in and his faith is growing and he is starting to trust God again.

God is amazing. Now, what gets me is how odd it feels to be such an active role in both of these moments in his faith's journey. I should humbly bat my eyes and say "praise Jesus", and I do, but do I thank God and ask him to allow me to be used like this more? It feels weird to want that.

In the end, I do want God to use me and He is. I see it all around me and I thank Him for it. I ask Him to continue to use me. I ask that we all pray that same prayer.

watermark...week 2

2005-09-21T16:25:00.000-05:00

so watermark has had 2 Worship Gatherings so far. We meet at 5:30 pm on Sundays at a friend's dance studio on Tennessee St and Meridian. Week 1 went well, although we noted things to change from then on. Week 2 was fun. Still things to work on, but it was so exciting to worship God in such a fresh way. Here are some pictures...

This is the setup we had. It is "in the round" so that no one is standing on a stage and we are all inward focused.

Around the room were 7 different prayer stations which went with the John 17 passage we were looking into.

Here, we prayed for the nations and marked the map on the nations that we are praying for.

This was a confessional station where we took one of the stones and wrote out our confession on it then dropped it into thevase with water to represent God's forgiveness.

This was a candle lighting station. It served as a reminder that when we speak to God he is always present and that our prayers are always lifted up and heard.

I still cannot believe that God has given me this opportunity to work for Him. For years it has been my prayer to help create a place where people could come and worship God without all the frustrations that I've dealt with in the church. I wanted a place where it seemed Jesus found me and I didn't have to rely on myself to find Him. And here I am...opportunity in my lap. God is amazing.

and this is how my days on the road began...

2005-08-17T22:49:00.000-05:00

We embark. Finally. And today I started. I drove to Georgia today for boiled peanuts. Why? They have them at Publix. I will tell you. Nothing, I repeat, nothing is more exciting than living from moment to moment. A few years ago on Veteran's Day, my best friend Aly and I went to the Keys to watch the sunset and eat key lime pie. Yes the sky was cloudy and the place we stopped at didnt have a great Key Lime Pie...but that's how we should live. So today I went to Georgia for boiled peanuts and tomorrow I go to New Orleans, the Mississippi River, and Texas. And I am going to wear my "Don't Mess with Florida" Tshirt. OK, so I don't have one, but maybe I'll make one. The point is, tomorrow my roomate Michael and I will drive west, like so many men before us, and what we will encounter is God. How can I say such cheesey things? It's true. Because Michael and I make it a point to find God. And He probably won't be in Texas, but I'm damn sure He'll be in the Mississippi!

and after this weekend my map will look like this:

create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

this is why i need to go to see Chris Rice in Texas

2005-08-02T11:03:00.000-05:00

States I have visitied

create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

summer mondays

2005-08-01T09:51:00.000-05:00

The morning started like a typical summer morning. It was hot enough at 10 am, that you were sure that it was lunch time any minute now, and yet, there was that slight breeze which cooled the air just enough that it reminded you that this was Florida and you were convinced for one minute that if you made the next left you would drive up to the beach. Instead I drove into Starbucks. There were the usual faces. The bald guy from Centerpoint. The Starbucks partner who loves Harry Potter. And then in comes Erik Braun: Pastor of Four Oaks, man crush of mine. There is a hint of fear that rushes through me because in all honesty I have avoided this moment where we see each other, officially for the first time since we met at another Starbucks almost a year ago. After that meeting I havent gone to Four Oaks again. Its not because I dont like Four Oaks. Its not because I dont like Erik. Other opportunities came up and I am serving, fully, in another church, which was his advice at that last meeting. He comes over to me, and asks those pointed questions which makes him so easy to talk to while your voice quivers with fear of answering the wrong way. "Where are you going to church?" Straight to the point. This man doesnt beat around the bush, but I like it. I tell him I am working with Jim Divine. He knows about watermark. He asks if we are meeting yet. And then he looks down, down at the blue cover of the book which is now laying face down marking my page, down at Blue Like Jazz, and he smirks and says "Watch Out. Be careful with this." I smile, knowing whats coming next. "Is watermark one of those emerging churches?" I answer that we are staying away from using those terms as much as possible, because in no wya do we think that Four Oaks is not emerging...were just going about it differently, with the same goal in mind. He then sees The Vayage of the Dawn Treader, which I am also reading, and he quickly changes the subject. "Have you gotten to the point where Eustace turns into a dragon? And Aslan rips the skin right off him?" We laugh and exchange prayerful luck to each other and I sit, unable to continue reading, more for my desire to listen to jazz more than his presence in the building. I walk out.

His hint of spite for anything "emergent" and his caution to not be blatant about how he feels bothered me a bit. I know what he thinks of E3. I dont want him to think of me that way. Especially since we are not E3. We are trying to be the most accurate church we can be, not the best emergent church. But for someone I respect and admire so much, a bit of me hates him for being so arrogant and sure that what other churches are doing, which may be very productive, is unbiblical. But what do you do when you hate a bit of the person you admire? You admire them more, I think. Like JD to Dr. Cox, (another shameless reference to Scrubs and my total connection to main characters) I will continue to download his sermons and probably avoid meeting him again, until we do again.

small groups

2005-07-28T12:37:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow we embark on the start of watermark small groups; and not just small groups, but I have decided to co-lead a youth small group. I have many concerns right now. Most of the kids interested are KUMC youth...are they committing to wm? or are they just looking for another social event? Is it going to be more than another social event, or are these youth's faith going to be challenged and grown? Are they going to be accepting of others who come? Non-Christians? Would non-christians even be interested in coming? If it takes off, what will we do? We only have 1 small group for youth and if we start off with 15 kids, thats not a small group anymore.

I want it to be challenging. I dont want to get together and watch movies. I want to get into Scripture and hear what these teens are thinking about God. I want them to learn from each other, to learn from James, to learn from me, and to learn from God. I will know tomorrow how it goes.

Ask me then.

Dragon Room

2005-07-27T09:34:00.000-05:00

As I sit in my office today taking small sips of my cortadito (miniturized Cafe con Leche) I cannot help but feel overwhelmed by the prospect of moving one step closer to the Coffee Pub. If I had a blogging audience, no one would probably know what the Coffee Pub is since I have not mentioned it before on here, but the Coffee Pub is a coffee shop that I am starting as a ministry of a new church in Tallahassee called watermark. Yesterday I met with the realtor of this amazing building, huge building, which used to be called the Dragon Room, a former Chinese Restaurant, and toured it. Although I had to duck around the bugs which now swarm the place after the last tenant closed the door and walked away a year ago, leaving behind refrigerators full of food and freezers full of ice cream, I walked into what I began to envision as the most exciting place I have entered since I started looking for vacancies in Tallahassee. I have been excited about places before, but none like this. And the best part is that if this works out, it is ALL God, because watermark surely cannot afford the $1,000,000 price tag they have on that building.

The realtor sounded excited when we told him what we wanted to do, and I do not believe that it is because he is one of the billions of Baptists in town. I don't think he's a church goer at all, but the idea of a new tenant, who he knows would treat the place well, like a church, and the fact that it will finally go off the market, really appealed to him. We'll hear back in a few days. Until then, pray please.

i can't do this all on my own

2005-07-25T00:26:00.000-05:00

"The worst part was knowing I could never forgive her."

-scrubs

Hi. My name is Michael and I always relate to the main character in everything: books, movies, TV shows. I am JD. I am Harry. I am Mark. I am always the protagonist in this story of my life and I realize that without the supporting roles the story would be empty. But it seems in all the stories in which I relate to the main chracter, their flaw or weakness is how much they need other people...and mostly always, the one they feel they need most is always out of reach.

I can't do this all on my own indeed. I'm no Superman. But I'm no idiot either. Hold your breath, grit your teeth, and walk away.

Rainy London Town

2005-07-07T12:00:00.000-05:00

I try to limit my updates on this blog to issues concerning God's activity in my life, or should I say my activity in God's life...but to not comment on the happenings in London would be, quite honestly, stupid. It's difficult to express the feelings and thoughts that run through your mind when you wake up to a cryptic message like "Terrorists have bombed London". The images that ran through my mind were of the worst case scenario and I naively let out a sigh of relief when I heard, early in the morning, that there were only 2 confirmed deaths. Reality sinks in when the numbers increase and you realize those dumb thoughts you have and never really share with people. I, on the other hand, post them online.

I do have to make a confession that I get emotionally involved when I hear words of encouragement and promise from the world leaders, and to hear Tony Blair and President Bush make their statements to the people of London awakens something deep inside...I think its a glimmer of hope that God IS actually working in the world and that sometimes tragedies can bring people together. The call, however, becomes what will we, the Followers of Christ in the world, do with these moments when love and protection is needed most? We make statements like, "We need to stand together," and "Our resolve will not falter" but I want the Christians in the world to stop making these statements and not following through on them.

The One Campaign is great..and it is easy to sign a petition and think we're doing something for the world, but now is our moment to put action behind those hopeful words and signatures.

back to the mount

2005-07-05T23:39:00.000-05:00

every once in a while. thats not true; constantly we need to go back to the lessons. we need to remind ourselves of the truth.

blessed are the poor in spirit, for they will inherit the earth.
blessed are those how mourn, for they will be comforted.
blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
blessed are you when people insult you falsely and say all kinds of evil against you because of me. rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

an update

2005-06-29T10:41:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while you need to keep people informed. I have a tendency to disappear and then I'll show up with so much that it's almost too much. So today I come with a lighter load to unleash.

This fall will be hectic...but because our God is good He balances things out. Like this http://www.kingkongmovie.com

Worship, Arts, Liturgy, and Preaching

2005-04-19T22:24:00.000-05:00

Day 1 and 2 at the WALP Convention.

As we arrived yesterday in Wilmore, Kentucky, Asbury Theological Seminary, I had no idea what to expect. In all honesty I still don't know. But shyness has been waning and "joining in the conversation" has been getting easier.

I walked into the gymasium yesterday to hear about including movies and film as aspects of worship. The plenary was taught by a nun, Sister Rose Pacatte. As I walked in, however, I saw Brain D McLaren and I almost shat myself. Why? I don't know. I've thought of him as an arrogant troublemaker with some cool things to say, but none the less, there I was, nervous.

Around the gym were paintings of the Stations of the Cross - phenomenal paintings by a guy named Kevin who I stayed up till 2 am talking to. He is part of a community near LA called Tribe. The pastor is a sweet lady with a soft voice and a hypnotizing beauty. I also stayed up talking to her. She was in charge of this whole event. She has an incredible story of God's leading her to LA, starting Tribe, becoming the director of a film school in LA..and the list goes on! Staying up and talking with them gave me a sense of belonging and when I woke up this morning, I was here to participate!

Tribe led us in worship...a drum circle is their worship, and not just heer, but back in LA also...every member of the community grabs or brings some percussion and they praise God. Brian spoke after Tribe and I wa sblown away by his SOFTNESS! Brian D McLaren is not the hard ass he plays in his books. As he and I talked later in the evning we joked about literature and being an English major, which he is too, and he asked me about ::Watermark, and seemed interested in what we were doing. He smiled. Doug Pagitt on the other hand is a loud mouthed, hysterical, in your face kind of a guy, who I will go to Hooters with by weeks end! He walked by while I was talking to Brian and punched me.

In Doug's session earlier in the day he talked about "preaching without speaching". Getting away from the attitude that the pastor has ultimate power and allowing the congregation to teach him as much as they can learn from him. It was hard to get a room full of different aged people to go along with this, and its even more hard to model a "session" if thats what youre trying to teach. Needless to say, he didn't talk at us the whole time, but he smiled and got excited when we contradicted him.

I lead a group in discussion on a similar topic in another session on preaching. As the day went on, stopping and talking to people has been becoming more and more easy. Faces are recognizable, and not just to me, but my face to others as well. I have a presence here. What I bring to the discussion isnt swept away by people who think Im too young. Suddenly, we are all trying to figure out how to worship God together. Catholics, Methodists, even Baptists! Were all here and were all respecting each other!

At dinner, I sat next to Doug and another lady, Kelly, who has also been a very exciting person to get to know. After exchanging a few quick remarks back and forth to each other, and joking about who would take the check, we left the restaurant and returned to the conference.

There is so much that is happening here. Some very real concerns about how can Catholics and Protestants worship together when they cannot share in the most holy sacrament together? Its an encouraging conversation to have. Between sessions, clusters of people clutter up stair wells talking about cell regeneration and what that means about Jesus. It is an eerie feeling, because I am walking around in a place where people want to know more about Jesus, and Jesus is exciting here.

The best part? The sound system sucks. The graphics are grainy. The fonts are cheesy. and what is important to most of these people is Jesus and how each of our liturgies worship Jesus...maybe we can learn from each others liturgies . ? .

christmas and friends

2004-12-24T20:28:00.000-05:00

If one were to take a look at my life and name the number one blessing which God has continously poured into my life, it would be friendship. Everyday I learn more about friends and I learn more about myself and I learn more about God.

Tonight, I share with you about one particular friendship. I wish I could have a video camera taping me when I am around this particular friend. He is many years younger than me and for many years now I have looked on him as a brother and as someone I needed to be an example to. This friendship has allowed me to be more honest and open with him, than perhaps I have been with any other friendship ever. It is an incredibly powerful friendship.

I shame myself in this friendship however, because in addition to being the best example of Christ that I can be, trying to guide him towards a life of growth in the Spirit, I have also been a friend who has held his hand directly into sin. It's a terrible and odd place to be. I look at these times and decisions and I wonder what I was thinking and why I would allow such decisions to be made. Nonetheless, they have been.

This friendship reminds me a lot of the purpose of Christmas. On Christmas, we celebrate the life of our Savior, who more than anything else was a master at loving and making friends. He wasn't just around for those moments when his buddies were Christ-like and amazing leaders, but when they made stupid decisions. He shared every embarassing and shameful moment with his disciples. I realized this when thinking about this friendship because we have both amazing conversations where God speaks to both of us, through both of us, and we have moments where we allow our sinful natures to take over, but in the end there is a bond in us that has developed over years of a friendship solidly grounded in Christ; a bond that has been solidified by years of praying for each other. Even in our most shameful and lowest moments we can still look at each other and thank our Lord for using every moment of our lives as a testimony to His greatness.

On the night of Christ's birth, there was sin in the world and there were people at their most shameful points, but Christ has forgiven us of those moments, and it is on this day that we should be reminded of that great power that even we cannot destroy.

community

2004-11-19T14:04:00.000-05:00

There is much to say about community. I am by no means an expert on the topic, however, throughout this semester I have been struggling through the idea of community and how it is possible in our world. Is the model of the first century Church a plausible goal? Is it one that should be pursued? and if it is pursued, is it possible? Through my studies of this I have been lead to one answer. Absolutely.

We are given a model in Acts and throughout the rest of Scripture. The community was one where all was shared with anyone who was in need; they prayed regularly together; they ate meals and broke bread together remebering hrist's sacrifice for us on the cross; they met in homes and discussed the grace which had been poured out over them; and they went out and spread that message of hope to everybody.

As I rummaged through all these characteristics of the Church I began to see a community that I have been a part of for many years that fits the description of this community. It is a singing group called Undivided, and although not all the years were "glory" days, its developeent has become a community where nothing is our own and everything is shared whenever needed. I realized this when my car broke down. One of the members lent me her car. Another member lent her his car. And when another car was needed we all switched cars. This may seem trivial, but they saw a frustration and a need and rather than sitting back and marveling at the unfortunate circumstance, they stood together to help me and each other out.

In addition to that instance, I have noticed that we have not been a singing group for quite a long time. We may have started off that way, but our relationships to each other, rooted in Christ and our love for praising him, brought us closer together in a deeply spiritual way. With weekly meetings and constant prayer and regular meals with each other, Undivided has developed a community which very closely resembles that model of the Church.

With wonder and awe I thank God for creating in us the ability to live true faithful lives with relationships as deep as these rooted in him; and for the refection of His face we can see in our community.

in a graveyard

2004-11-02T13:22:00.001-05:00

Last night, the day after Halloween, I took a group of 7 freshmen out into a wooded area that was an unkempt graveyard. With torches lighting the graves we sat and studied how casually we treat Christ's death and resurrection. In the same breath we can talk about our Savior and a cup of coffee. This needs to change. We need to be affected by the understanding of Christ rising to life out of death. We need to understand not only the significance of how this affects our individual lives but how it affects our community of believers. If we understand what Christ's resurrection means we could never be the same. Our lives would be radically different.

It's not that understanding Christ's resurrection is easy. Far from it. But being affected by it is as near as the closest graveyard. Mourning with others who mourn. Sharing stories that made us happy.

There is something very human in the act of mourning; it strips away any "proper" behavior and digs right to the heart of humanity, full of joy, sadness, lack of understanding, and a sense of utter completeness, and at every funeral there is always the reminder of the frailty of life, and our lack of control in anything. We become ultimately aware of Christ and it is in that moment that we realize we go about our days, every day, in a graveyard.

on days like these

2004-10-27T04:32:00.000-05:00

there are days when you realize that you have been given much more than you allow yourself to use. this was one of those days. when God speaks to you, He demands a change, and so with this new blog, comes a new person.

this is not a blog for whining or getting things off my chest. this is a blog where conversations begin.