cucumber melon and all that goes with it

i believe in love.

i don't know if i'm one of those "there's only one person out there for each person", soul-mate kind-of-a-guy, or not, in fact, i've usually stayed away from that sort of thinking. i've always told myself that anyone, with enough will power, could make any relationship work. i don't know if i actually believe it when i say that though.

perhaps i have watched too many movies. perhaps i am more a product of my culture than i like to admit. what i do know is that love hurts sometimes. i know that all around us we hear culture saying "love heals" and "all you need is love", but what most of these things fail to teach us is what the heck to do when love is not resolved at a new year's party or when learning portugese doesn't help.

now, i don't want a lesson from pop culture. there are enough examples of divorce and all the wrong things. it's just that when i think about love i know exactly what it is. i know who its with. i see how it will end...if things in the world worked out perfectly. others may not see it. in fact, others usually have all the "right" answers and they usually differ from mine, but sometimes i just wish that God would get on with it and quit stalling.

i watched love actually, finally, after weeks of having certain scenes running through my mind. it is amazing how many different things i felt. maybe circumstances play such a big role in our experience that pure thought gets muddled, but sometimes things get so complicated in my mind, i wish i could just run away and hide. being the kind of person i am, i would probably come looking for people soon after, but that is just something i suppose i will have to learn to deal with. i am learning there are a lot of things i am just gonna have to deal with.