.:making sense of what i got:.

Location: Tallahassee - Miami, Florida, United States

Just a guy who loves coffee and shares coffee.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

in the words of jazz

Tonight i see vision and purpose in Tallahassee. A relaxing day of getting stuff done only slightly brushes the surface of the work God is doing deep inside. I feel at home, not in Tallahassee, but in my skin. I am satisfied, and content, and while that may change as soon as I look in a mirror, the reality is that God has been challenging and waking me up for a while now.

My mom used to use different techniques to wake my sister and I up in the morning. Her personal favorite was standing at the door with a watergun and just shooting the stream of cold water right at our faces. This was usually welcomed with some hateful screaming from myself or my sister. Country music tops my favorite of torture techniques my parents used. Well, it appears to me this week that God has a similar style. I have kicked and screamed. I have said some terrible things. And God has pulled the sheets off me and now I find myself naked and crying at my shortcomings. Like an addict going cold turkey, this has been a process of painful seperation from the things that were keeping me from growing the way God has been wanting me to grow. At moments he has given me the strength and at other times he has given others the role of taking away my drug. They havent coincided. Until now.

Tonight RJ and I went to the Warehouse for some jazz and a pipe. I felt in my skin. Not at first, mind you, I had to find myself there. There is distraction; but when a guy named CJ came and stood next to us, shared some casual friendly words which gave him permission to share our space, I saw in him what I needed. I looked over at one point and saw him, in the middle of a crowded bar, surrounded by beautiful women, beer, and smoke, and he had his eyes closed and was just soaking in the music. That is why I was there. The music cried for me. The music spoke the words that my aching soul has been needing to say. And there was peace. God invaded that place.

The bartender made a comment about RJ and me, standing at the bar, drinking a beer and smoking our pipes. He said that we were true "blue blood". I am here for a reason. God has made that clear. He has taught me, grown me, hurt me, and brought me to places where He can work his miracles.

So, thank you bartender. Thank you CJ. Thank you God.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

In February won't you be my valentine?

I know God works in odd ways. I have seen it in the past and I see it now. It is just extremely odd when He chooses to use you for His work. Years ago, in high school, God used me to bring a friend to church where he learned about God, and he eventually made a commitment to Christ. Since then, he fell away from his commitment to the church, to his own spiritual growth, and after some terrible experiences with a pastor who was abusing his position, left the faith altogether.

By a weird series of coincidences, he has reemerged in my life. He started dating a friend of mine, whom he met online. She had also stopped going to church. Through their conversations and getting to know each other, they somehow came to me. I got a phone call soon after. My answer to what I thought about their relationship was that I would not approve unless they both started attending church again. Now, I know that church attendance does not mean they are christians, but they were not getting any closer to God away from it either.

They started coming to watermark and have fully plugged in and his faith is growing and he is starting to trust God again.

God is amazing. Now, what gets me is how odd it feels to be such an active role in both of these moments in his faith's journey. I should humbly bat my eyes and say "praise Jesus", and I do, but do I thank God and ask him to allow me to be used like this more? It feels weird to want that.

In the end, I do want God to use me and He is. I see it all around me and I thank Him for it. I ask Him to continue to use me. I ask that we all pray that same prayer.