Location: Tallahassee - Miami, Florida, United States

Just a guy who loves coffee and shares coffee.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

the Year of Francis and the return to town

So I have moved back to Tallahassee and life is an overwhelming collection of beautiful and intriguing experiences. God is showing me great things and blessing me with relationships and an abundance of love. I spend time daily praying with my roommate. I feel a freedom and a peace I have not felt in a very long time. When the congregation turns and blesses each other with "the sign of peace" that is what I feel. Like those blessings of peace are upon me.

At the same time 2007 was a year with its share of low moments, to build me up, i do believe. I have changed and the changes do not end. I am trying to find my new self in this new skin I feel I am in. I find a draw to Saint Francis of Assisi and I pray that my pilgrimage there this upcoming summer will actually happen. I have found peace with many things and that brings me such joy. Its closure but its another life opening up. Now, as expected this does mean complications and confusion find their way. As I stretch out these new skins, this new life, I have to learn to understand that the old is gone. I sat at Black Dog cafe today with my roommate who now is the Assistant Manager at the Pub. 3 people came up to him asking him about the Pub. It only makes sense, as he is the new ASM. But I sat there and was looked over. The Pub is no longer mine. And while I hate when I am told of the way things sucked when I managed it and want some appreciation of the things I did, I am needing to learn that this baby I created is no longer mine. I was mocked for having that attitude, of birthing a child and having her snatched away from me, but I need to accept reality. And the truth is I have. I love what she is now, and like all things there are its flaws, but you love the being itself and now the faults or the achievements. You celebrate the achievements and correct the faults. So it is with me. I want to celebrate the achievements of my faith and correct my faults. I want to be like Christ. I want to be new and flawless. So that is what I strive for.

I know these thoughts seem scattered but ahh the beauty of stream of consciousness. After all these are my thoughts coming from my brain. And oh that my brain were organized. Perhaps in this, the Year of Francis, I will find some Order.

Peace be with you.


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